Here we go:
Previously on Tessa & Scott...
Tessa struggled with PTSD ("There was gravel in that driveway. I had to reapply lip gloss. My laptop made me update flash player. Marina wanted me to try an element."). Scott gave Andrew Poje permission to ask Tessa a question. Meanwhile, we learned it was Tessa who'd forced Scott to fuck up the twizzles in Quebec.
Viewer alert: if you missed Episode 1, watch the W network for listings of repeat airings or go directly to any First World Problems meme web page for an alternative episode summary.
Just like last time, I hope to watch this thing via download, so I can re-wind and screen cap and take a second look for the blog's recaps. When that's done, the blog's recap will start here.
In the meantime, for anybody whose plans this evening includes chugging a few shots of Mylanta and squaring off with Ep. 2 as it airs, and is moved to live chat about it in the comments section, this would be the post.
Until then, check out Dubreuil Lauzon, back from retirement:
|Scott in navy velour. |
Chicks, don't all maul the screen at once.
Before we get down to the gist of Scott's penis, which by all indications is setting up as the principal preoccupation of this reality series, here we go with Episode 2's preliminaries.
|Sitting together on the bus. Whaaaaa?|
|Tessa, let's save time and you|
tell us when you're NOT tense.
Don't worry. They'll make us pay for this
moment of actual humanity.
|"It feels like everyone wants a piece of us but|
we can't do anything about it because Scott's community
and family are terrifying."
|"I know it's a little bit cocky,|
but I'm bringing two condoms."
Here you go, Scott :
Best condoms for small penises
May I suggest the Caution Wear Iron Grip? The name just feels like "you".
Tessa is one lucky little lady. <fans self>
(No wonder her lady parts are closed for business. Use it or lose it people.)
When he said this - especially the "I know it sounds cocky" part, I wanted to cry. "That's right ladies, I'm bringing TWO condoms to Sochi. Bought a pack, threw one away, gonna jerk off once and can't soil the sheets. Then it's water balloon for Patrick Chan. I'm an animal."
This was a fake Q&A exchange but if it were real you know the reporter would have kept it out of the article out of pure compassion. This is a half a step from a four year old bragging that he's going to marry mommy. Maybe it's this level of almost excruciating, exposed sad that motivates reporters to help them lie.
As usual, he pretends to forget to remember he's meant to have a girlfriend.
|"I've got a good boy image but also a bad boy|
image. It's a confusing image."
To be continued.