Sunday, January 19, 2014

Episode 3 Part 2

This episode was a billion times longer than the first two put together. I'm still not freaking done.

Let's acknowledge that although this
reality series is a giant lie, the
cinematography could not be
more flattering.
Tessa and the girls talk about girl things.
All the girls want Hall & Oates tickets.
Especially this girl.
The only actual man at the rink.
"Scott, it's almost like you're TOO
masculine out there. It's too much male.
It's overpowering. You need to pull
back on some of the masculinity and
sexual authority.

"He's such a powerful presence. I'm a little bit afraid of him."
"When he gets upset, I think it's me."

I need my mommy, and she's coming for a visit.
"If your grandmother saw me making this pie
with canned pumpkin, she'd break my fingers."
She's my rock.
To be continued.


  1. My favorite part of this entire trainwreck of an episode has to be Kaitlyn Weaver and Andrew Poje's strained faces in the dinner scene. Looking forward to your recap of that whenever you get around to it.

    1. This episode if fucking tedious! I had just pushed through Kate's visit and then realized holy shit, we still have the Weaver Poje dinner!

      It's "interesting" to see how incredibly insecure the Moirs apparently are about the hits Scott's masculine image has taken skating with a woman like Tessa. I don't know if they think it takes a hit because fans don't realize he's with her, and they think it makes him look like a loser cause he can't get with her, or because she's so beautiful, so talented, and such a fierce competitor (and faced and beat a challenge he didn't have - skating with leg pain) that they felt he was coming out looking overpowered or week. So let's overcompensate to the billionth power since that's how they roll. Also, let's telegraph our lies, as usual.

      I've said it before but the most obnoxious part of their approach is they are INCREDIBLY stupid but naturally think we must be still stupider, so this is what we get.

    2. I don't know about you, but that's my favorite kind of dinner conversation. The heavily telegraphed kind.

      So can you tell us what it's like to share an apartment since you're a couple but also pretending not to be, though you aren't shoving your fake platonic-ness in everyone's faces like we are but you should try it, it's kinda fun. BUT ANYWAY, what's it like? We couldn't do it. We would kill each other. We constantly get on each others nerves. ISN'T THIS A FUN DINNER? Hands in, let's do a cheer!

    3. P/I are also roomies. I wonder if they're fake platonic as well.

    4. P/I have never pretended they're platonic. Probably because they're not idiots who buy into that brand of lying or because the mysterious SC platonic PR fairy hasn't visited their home yet.

    5. 4:45
      That dinner was ridiculous. I also loved Tessa's talking head re. W/P. With innocent wide-eyed wonder saying W/P "are together all the time" and "they do everything together." Oh, she and Scott would just *hate* that. It would be *impossible.* As if she and Scott had not been together and done almost everything together since they were children.

      Lying is never convincing when the liar overcompensates and exaggerates.

  2. just watched Europeans and now I think even CL, who are not the best skaters, have better skating skills than DW. Their blade runs aren't as small and they don't look to be so wild. would love to know what you think, OC.

  3. Every episode has been hilariously bad. Although this one takes the cake in ignoring something VM had made sure was highlighted several times last season. Tessa was supposed to be sharing an apartment with her Mom! As recently as Worlds '13, an article said she and her Mom shared an apt. and Scott had his own place nearby. Whatever happened to that narrative? LOOOOL

    1. They don't care. They get a new narrative, old one out the window. Who calls them out? Nobody.

      Super duper close after her first surgery. Validated everything they knew about each other.
      NOPE. Alienated and rifted after first surgery.
      Oops, public record shows constantly in each other's company after first surgery. Never mind.
      TOTALLY ready for Worlds 2011. Totally ready for 4CC's 2011.
      Nope. Wing and a prayering it at a 2011 Worlds pushed back to APRIL.

      They don't care. They're their own religion.

  4. Shirtless Rockne was the best part of this episode. I'd like more, please.

    1. Yes - good eye candy...but you have to laugh - isn't Rockne engaged? But yeah it's totally hilarious, the bromance with Scott and natural...these episodes are like reliving Beverly Hills 90210...hell at this rate - perhaps we can get Buttle to be Tessa's boyfriend...lots of

    2. There are some hot guys at Arctic Edge. Who knew?

      Rockne looked great but of course he's sitting there stressing over getting Hall & Oates tickets while Scott fumes masculine-ishly.

      It's just pathetic. You know the other skaters are humoring Scott and Tessa.

    3. With coSondra in every episode, it also absolutely appears as she's there to counterbalance Scott being turned off by, irritated by, bored by, and disinterested in, his partner, Tessa.

      Even though Tessa, on her end, is working hard to show us that there's not enough pretty in Canada to make hanging out with her worth it, still, one gets the idea that they don't want to show Scott constantly cold-shouldering and rejecting a girl who looks like Tessa because omg people might think the real problem is he's gay.

  5. I'm expecting Scott to propose to coSondra at the Paris lovelock bridge. They already sofa-canoodled and they get turned on by upping the ante. There's also hotel-room intimacies to share, I'm sure. Gross shamming is the reason for this show.

    1. Just how much therapy is Little Moir going to need eventually?

      Run, Little Moir, run as fast as your little legs will carry you.

    2. I'd be shocked if there isn't a proposal or at least a consideration of one in the end. Maybe Scott and Patrick talking about life post-Sochi and Scott mentions that he's been thinking of settling down and starting a family.

    3. Tessa's reading a parenting book. There's no reality - including Little Moir's - she can't control by imposing a system of thought on it.

  6. Ugh I hope he doesn't marry C. To me, he just doesn't look happy with me and the girl has no personality! How do you guys know for sure that she's fake just for the show though?

  7. Sorry meant to say he doesn't look happy with her! LOL. Sticky fingers!

  8. @5:30, Scott is married to Tessa. Cassandra is definitely a fake for sham purposes.

    Who knows how gross and low they'll get with the sham though.

    1. How do you know for sure though? Just from your own gut feelings or sources? It would just be nice to know for sure for myself and not have to rely on others.

    2. I know from sources.