Sunday, May 27, 2012

This is right up there

This SOI Q&A popped up quite a ways back, but I was so overcome by Scott's clever I could hardly keep my eyes open long enough for a blog entry. But, oh well, duty calls.

Looking at Scott's lovely answer to the trading places question, I'm reminded that Team Virtue Moir never appears to understand the difference between audacious and disgusting. It's not hard. Team Virtue/Moir doesn't understand the distinction between obnoxious and clever either. I think it's a safe bet they don't think there is one.

When you set up and jerk the chains of people who don't know what you know (using things they hold sacred and presume you hold sacred too), people who admire you, who are less fortunate than you are, more credulous, more "simple", not as important, more well-meaning and not nearly as cool - that's obnoxious. It doesn't take clever to do that. It just takes asshole. It's the kind of obnoxious that might make some people want to flip the bird. (I'm sure Team Virtue Moir doesn't understand that last feeling at all. I'm confident they have the maturity to let stuff aimed at them roll right off their backs, even if their preferred position is dishing it out.) 

And obviously they wade in with gusto when it comes to using the name and image of, or to making a strategic reference to, the youngest and most innocent members of their family, if it helps them get over on people. It's just like people on the metros and subways who tote their kids along while asking for money that's of course not for drugs or booze. Those people have reasons for what they do also. I know VM are super unique and special but they do understand that the rest of us could also come up with solid rationalizations for lying through our teeth to everybody all day long too, right? If you want to lie, you can find reasons. That's them. They want it, and make up the reasons afterwards. It's part of why this has been such a wreck.

For them, I think it comes down to WHO are they lying to? Important people, like friends, potential sponsors, movers and shakers, their own friends and family? Absolutely not. So they're good. They're only lying to the public. Why is that okay though? Why is it okay to not just lie to us, but lie the way they lie, to lie in the avaricious way they do it?

Well, we're lower caste. Lying to a buch of skels like us gets the thumbs up from the people who count in their world. Somewhere in the Canadian Bible it must say this stuff is okay. Especially as it often seems as if Scott gets patriotism and religion (or values, or ethics) confused. But in among the gang running stuff at Skate Canada, I can see how that would happen. Conflate those things (patriotism and religion)*Barb, Debbi and Bill must have thought they could empty people's wallets faster than Debbi or Barb exit their seating when a Skate Canada team figure skater they don't give a flying fuck about takes the ice. And let me tell you something - that's fast.

Why should they care what fans think about what they do, as long as fans stay OUT? Fans don't know what's going on, fans don't count, except when you want to sell them stuff or except when you want to promote something or except you want to control what they think and except when you pick out your gala music and make sure it's not outside "our audience"s wheelhouse.

Here's how this thing smells to me. That Scott and Tessa are high ranking in some theoretical Church of Canada of their minds, and Skate Canada's mind. You know how in the Church of Scientology, it's said you plug away and plug away, ascending through the ranks until, if things fall into place, you find that you're Tom Cruise, sitting at the right hand of David Miscavige? That's a place where the rules are different than they are for those lower down. Even in the limited way Scott and Tessa explain themselves to the public, even though they can't keep basic elements of their personal history straight one promotional appearance to the next (you know Scott pulls half those cute anecdotes out his hind end), their presentation of themselves has that whiff. It's not Christian, it's not any type of non-squirelly religious values or ethics that justifies what they do. It's hierarchy. They're at the top. It's what you get to do there. They're not special and entitled because they're great skaters, or great "kids". They're special and entitled because they're important, and this is what important people get to do. It's just the star system.

And never forgetting this. Setting up your special reality so that it requires a team of enablers justifies the employment of folks (Debbi and Barb, most particularly) who otherwise are incompetent at the job implied in their titles, folks who wouldn't give a shit about doing that type of actual drudgery even if they had a clue. This hoax gives the self-aggrandizing Business Development and Corporate Communications directors something to pretend to be doing that's fun for them, and because of VM and Chan, they can also feel important. The Scientology model certainly allows for your Barbs and Debis. So does the organized crime model.

Definitely skaters below the level of a Virtue/Moir have no need of important Skate Canada officials actually interested in anybody who isn't a celebrity.

Surely nobody questions that, in the aggregate, the rank and file of Skate Canada think how Virtue Moir have been handled has been great for everybody. Long-term sponsors and critical financial support took their money and bolted for the exits, and potential sponsors appear to be leery, but OTOH, who isn't happy for Debbi, Barb and Bill with their heads all up VM's and Chan's asses, milking Tessa and Scott's pseudo celebrity for all it's worth in the interests of Bill, Barb and Debbi's own self-promotion? I'm sure all the other skaters approve of how Virtue Moir's celebrity has shielded the trio from any critical cost/benefit evaluation.

So. Back to the SOI Q&A above. Scott's "my brother, because then I'd have a beautiful daughter" is pure Scott Moir cleverness. I know he prides himself on being sly with the media, being slippery in ways we and they can't quite catch. I mean, you'd need actual eyes and ears to figure out what he's doing!

It's a gift Scott has, of being quicker and smarter than the rest of us. When he was in middle school, he claimed to dislike people who thought they were smarter - but that was before he realized HE was smarter, and now he enjoys being that way and finds it entertaining.

About the above Q&A, these thoughts of course immediately occur:

Which brother has the beautiful daughter and who has the daughter that is just eh? Well, they're showing Quinn off on facebooks - must be Charlotte who's the uggo.

And, this means Scott doesn't have a kid - because of course he wouldn't lie about it like THAT! If HE had a daughter, he'd never say that in a Q&A! It would be hurtful! Hell, it would hurt the hearts of parents reading it! So he wouldn't - any more than he'd lip kiss another woman for the edification of strangers on public social media while he was a dad, any more than faking xmas when he's a dad, any more than some skier would twitpic an "in bed in Canton" Mo-vember photo directly after appearing alongside Tessa Virtue in a public photo call meant to imply he's her boyfriend - if Tessa were a mommy.

So this means he doesn't have a daughter, and if he is a daddy, he has a son! He's sent us a message. He's sly!

So it's done. Scott has a son. It's okay to do this if he has a son, because the son won't care when he reads through an old SOI program and sees daddy's Q&A that at the time he was a tot, daddy would trade places with one of the uncles so he could have a beautiful daughter. Dad wanted a girl? Eh - so what. Boys are tough.

Tough and also in this case, the child of very unique figure skaters, the type of celeb offspring who learns cynicism and  "better than" early. The type who learns his parents are special and the great "other' (particularly boring women of no importance who are too invested in figure skating) are icky.

Kids can understand all this, when it's time, and that's a smarter way to raise them then having them grow up thinking you're a hero. My dad the hero is my example! My mom is my hero!

That's so bourgeois.

"My dad and mom acted like little punks cause they had to. They explained." is way better. Other celeb spawn have scrapbooks of media of their parents that aren't a record of an ongoing hoax, so, in this way, Tessa and Scott's spawn will preserve that tradition of being special and unique.

Of course, if Scott is doing what he would never dare to do (being too much of a what you see is what you get good guy) and he has a daughter, what his daughter will read is dad telling everybody that he'd trade with one of the uncles because then he'd have a BEAUTIFUL daughter.You know, instead of the dog's dinner one he got. That's something the daughter of a gorgeous mother needs to read.

I'm sure Daddy and Mommy will explain the whole thing perfectly and never a shadow will cross the child's mind. Mommy and Daddy had priorities. And I'm sure Scott can claim** he trafficked in misdirection for the benefit of those who did believe he had a child. With this Q&A answer, they'd  immediately believe the child wasn't a girl, so this way, he would protect his girl from whatever fake danger posed by the public that he, Tessa, Debbi, etc. pull out their ass. I'm sure there's some very urgent reason.
*History suggests that when people start conflating their patriotism with their religious beliefs things can get problematic.
**Purely a figure of speech. Scott's not going to claim shit. When the time comes, they will be so pusillanimous rat fink about it they'll be hiding behind some reporter so thrilled he/she got face time they'll tweet about their exclusive ten times an hour for a solid week. They'll get someone who will back door the headline all offhand like, preferably with a violin audio clip that activates when you click on the link. That or Tracy Wilson and a camera person with soft gel filters will have a "sit down" with Tessa and Scott, suffocate us with sanctimony, and when it's over we'll be apologizing to them.

So they all still hate Tessa

Pretty much the entire national team as well as a number of prominent alumni

got themselves to Jamaica recently for the union of that formerly platonic figure skating pairs team, Anabelle Langlois and Cody Hay.

At their final competition (Olympics 2010) we
learned these two were a couple after years of them saying 

no we're not. It's something in the ice at SC.

Jessica Dube and Scott Moir are officially former bf and gf (we assume), and both attended.

I'm sure it wasn't awkward. The split had to have been amicable if Scott is still wearing the designer jacket Jessica purchased for him (Surely she's the as-always nameless "former" gf in a recent article).*

Or perhaps he intends to cling to every item of clothing from Jessica, wear that stuff til it unravels. Otherwise, until he finds himself another girlfriend with a mysterious amount of play in her budget, he might get stuck having Tessa style him.

Pfft. Tessa couldn't think of giving Scott 
a sweater like this in a million years.

Speaking of Tessa, with almost the entirety of relevant Skate Canada present and accounted for at the Langlois/Hay wedding, guess who was not?

Shit, even this guy made an appearance, although the caption suggests he could only visit before taking off again.

Always left out in the cold.
I see at least three FOT at this wedding (Friends of Tessa's), if we don't count Scott (her proclaimed bff) or Jessica (the woman Scott has said must love Tessa as much as he does. Unless he was being clever and letting us know this is why he'd never marry Jessica. Or unless he was being SUPER clever and Jessica hates Tessa and this was Scott's back door way of saying he hates Tessa too. They're so slick, it's hard to keep pace.).

Always left out in the cold.
Anyhow, missing this wedding was like missing a graduation. It's Anabelle and Cody!!!!!  But Tessa's not there.

So, here are some theories:

1) She is hiding from the camera.

Why the fuck would she do that? She and Scott are platonic, every figure skater in SC is there who could be there, this wedding has been scheduled for a year so Tessa had plenty of time to clear her calendar if she were invited, and surely Scott and Tessa and Barb don't believe that if Tessa were known to be at a beach resort at the same time Scott Moir and a gazillion teammates and former teammates were at the same beach resort in order to attend the wedding of beloved former Olympic teammates, people would think they were together as a couple!  Even they are not that fucking asinine**. Shit, she went to NYC with (possibly among others) Jeff Buttle in 2009 and Buttle sent twitpics without fearing people would jump to conclusions. Did they stay in the same hotel? The same room? On the same floor? OMG!

Jeff didn't give it a second thought, neither did Tessa, and later that year Tessa gave the green light for Fedor to tweet a photo of the two of them posing in front of an inn with Fedor "recommending" it. Tasteful as always Team Virtue Moir! We get it. You aren't just platonic and dating others, you're fucking others. Scott letting us know he's getting busy with Jessica, Tessa with a desultory rotating line-up which immediately upon dating her takes up TMI habits on Twitter.

So why on earth would Scott and Tessa plotz over people thinking Scott and Tessa attending a pair of teammates' beach wedding along with a platoon of other figure skaters might mean they were together? Why would they suddenly care, setting aside how grandiose such concerns might be?

2) Everybody hates her.

This has my vote. She hasn't been at any of the weddings, save Leanne Moir's, since 2008. And they had to invite her to that, since she lives in London.

Maybe 3)?

She was there, with Toddler Moir, but hid from the camera cause unless it's a book or a documentary, Tessa is very very private. Or unless there's literal profit in it, as in money.

Or perhaps

4) She wasn't there because she decided to stay home with Toddler Moir. After all, what parent would fly to a Caribbean resort with her husband to enjoy some r&r under the sun after a long competitive season and relatively brief SOI tour if it meant taking a toddler along? Nobody else brought kids.

Cody and his sister.

And if they decided to take the brief trip as a couple, with whom would they leave Toddler Moir? It's the off season, they're spending most of their time at home base, all sets of parents are alive and available so who would watch the kid? The logistics are impossible!

So. Tessa is hiding from the camera because we better believe it's all getting stockpiled for money-making or promotional ventures, and certainly not for fan eyes for free with nothing in it for them. Are we kidding? EVERYTHING they do in the fan direction must have something in it for them, something solid - forget plain old good will. That's for chumps. They do it up big. They make money from and promote themselves to fans by mocking fans into believing a pack of lies - and then charging fans for the lies. Of course they'll want to make at least the same amount of money and bleed more promotion on the back end of this deal - squeeze money from telling the truth. "I know we lied to you and made you pay for it! But now we'll reveal the truth - for only the price of THIS book or if you tune in to THIS self-aggrandizing special on cbc and/or tsn and help the ratings and their sponsors."

Couldn't Tessa have posed with "the girls" and not Scott, or does that mean that we, the fans, seeing Tessa there among dozens and dozens of other skaters as well as supposed male platonic pals of Tessa's, would automatically take it she and Scott are together?

Oh wait, there's this (I don't want to leave out the POV of some favorite FSUers)

5) perhaps Tessa wanted to spend time with her skier/skater/skater/speed skater bf? I'd understand that. She's the only active member of the SC figure skating team with a SO - ergo, she is excused from attending. The rest have no outside personal lives to steal focus.


6) Tessa wanted to spend time with mommy Kate. Kate is presented so often in the media as an implied Scott blocker (how can a girl be with her skating partner if her mom has been living with her wherever she moves)? sometimes it comes off as if she's dating Kate. Or, you know, as wonderful as the relationship is, it's like one of those celebrity mom/kid dealies, where mom is more important than any love interest, and is the only person the adult listens to or lives with. I'm sure that's not the case here but the way Tessa trots out Kate to sort of say "Kate is the SO in my life, not Scott" Kate is doing the sham work of ten pretend boyfriends.
*That little back door info drop shows just what kind of weasels they are. I think we can expect the "reveal' to be effected with the exact same chicken-shittery.They will hide behind anything and anyone.
**Yes they are.

 P.S. This photo is either unfortunate or fabulous. Or both. I think cropping would have helped.