Sunday, May 27, 2012

So they all still hate Tessa

Pretty much the entire national team as well as a number of prominent alumni

got themselves to Jamaica recently for the union of that formerly platonic figure skating pairs team, Anabelle Langlois and Cody Hay.

At their final competition (Olympics 2010) we
learned these two were a couple after years of them saying 

no we're not. It's something in the ice at SC.

Jessica Dube and Scott Moir are officially former bf and gf (we assume), and both attended.

I'm sure it wasn't awkward. The split had to have been amicable if Scott is still wearing the designer jacket Jessica purchased for him (Surely she's the as-always nameless "former" gf in a recent article).*

Or perhaps he intends to cling to every item of clothing from Jessica, wear that stuff til it unravels. Otherwise, until he finds himself another girlfriend with a mysterious amount of play in her budget, he might get stuck having Tessa style him.

Pfft. Tessa couldn't think of giving Scott 
a sweater like this in a million years.

Speaking of Tessa, with almost the entirety of relevant Skate Canada present and accounted for at the Langlois/Hay wedding, guess who was not?

Shit, even this guy made an appearance, although the caption suggests he could only visit before taking off again.

Always left out in the cold.
I see at least three FOT at this wedding (Friends of Tessa's), if we don't count Scott (her proclaimed bff) or Jessica (the woman Scott has said must love Tessa as much as he does. Unless he was being clever and letting us know this is why he'd never marry Jessica. Or unless he was being SUPER clever and Jessica hates Tessa and this was Scott's back door way of saying he hates Tessa too. They're so slick, it's hard to keep pace.).

Always left out in the cold.
Anyhow, missing this wedding was like missing a graduation. It's Anabelle and Cody!!!!!  But Tessa's not there.

So, here are some theories:

1) She is hiding from the camera.

Why the fuck would she do that? She and Scott are platonic, every figure skater in SC is there who could be there, this wedding has been scheduled for a year so Tessa had plenty of time to clear her calendar if she were invited, and surely Scott and Tessa and Barb don't believe that if Tessa were known to be at a beach resort at the same time Scott Moir and a gazillion teammates and former teammates were at the same beach resort in order to attend the wedding of beloved former Olympic teammates, people would think they were together as a couple!  Even they are not that fucking asinine**. Shit, she went to NYC with (possibly among others) Jeff Buttle in 2009 and Buttle sent twitpics without fearing people would jump to conclusions. Did they stay in the same hotel? The same room? On the same floor? OMG!

Jeff didn't give it a second thought, neither did Tessa, and later that year Tessa gave the green light for Fedor to tweet a photo of the two of them posing in front of an inn with Fedor "recommending" it. Tasteful as always Team Virtue Moir! We get it. You aren't just platonic and dating others, you're fucking others. Scott letting us know he's getting busy with Jessica, Tessa with a desultory rotating line-up which immediately upon dating her takes up TMI habits on Twitter.

So why on earth would Scott and Tessa plotz over people thinking Scott and Tessa attending a pair of teammates' beach wedding along with a platoon of other figure skaters might mean they were together? Why would they suddenly care, setting aside how grandiose such concerns might be?

2) Everybody hates her.

This has my vote. She hasn't been at any of the weddings, save Leanne Moir's, since 2008. And they had to invite her to that, since she lives in London.

Maybe 3)?

She was there, with Toddler Moir, but hid from the camera cause unless it's a book or a documentary, Tessa is very very private. Or unless there's literal profit in it, as in money.

Or perhaps

4) She wasn't there because she decided to stay home with Toddler Moir. After all, what parent would fly to a Caribbean resort with her husband to enjoy some r&r under the sun after a long competitive season and relatively brief SOI tour if it meant taking a toddler along? Nobody else brought kids.

Cody and his sister.

And if they decided to take the brief trip as a couple, with whom would they leave Toddler Moir? It's the off season, they're spending most of their time at home base, all sets of parents are alive and available so who would watch the kid? The logistics are impossible!

So. Tessa is hiding from the camera because we better believe it's all getting stockpiled for money-making or promotional ventures, and certainly not for fan eyes for free with nothing in it for them. Are we kidding? EVERYTHING they do in the fan direction must have something in it for them, something solid - forget plain old good will. That's for chumps. They do it up big. They make money from and promote themselves to fans by mocking fans into believing a pack of lies - and then charging fans for the lies. Of course they'll want to make at least the same amount of money and bleed more promotion on the back end of this deal - squeeze money from telling the truth. "I know we lied to you and made you pay for it! But now we'll reveal the truth - for only the price of THIS book or if you tune in to THIS self-aggrandizing special on cbc and/or tsn and help the ratings and their sponsors."

Couldn't Tessa have posed with "the girls" and not Scott, or does that mean that we, the fans, seeing Tessa there among dozens and dozens of other skaters as well as supposed male platonic pals of Tessa's, would automatically take it she and Scott are together?

Oh wait, there's this (I don't want to leave out the POV of some favorite FSUers)

5) perhaps Tessa wanted to spend time with her skier/skater/skater/speed skater bf? I'd understand that. She's the only active member of the SC figure skating team with a SO - ergo, she is excused from attending. The rest have no outside personal lives to steal focus.


6) Tessa wanted to spend time with mommy Kate. Kate is presented so often in the media as an implied Scott blocker (how can a girl be with her skating partner if her mom has been living with her wherever she moves)? sometimes it comes off as if she's dating Kate. Or, you know, as wonderful as the relationship is, it's like one of those celebrity mom/kid dealies, where mom is more important than any love interest, and is the only person the adult listens to or lives with. I'm sure that's not the case here but the way Tessa trots out Kate to sort of say "Kate is the SO in my life, not Scott" Kate is doing the sham work of ten pretend boyfriends.
*That little back door info drop shows just what kind of weasels they are. I think we can expect the "reveal' to be effected with the exact same chicken-shittery.They will hide behind anything and anyone.
**Yes they are.

 P.S. This photo is either unfortunate or fabulous. Or both. I think cropping would have helped.


  1. Wow. brutal, much?

  2. I'm not the one doing it - it's them.

  3. Guaranteed when Scott said former ex-girlfriend, He was talking about tessa. Scott & Jessica are still together, but mark my words in this forthcoming dumcumentary. Scott will come out of the closet...

    1. Wat? I'm certainly looking forward to this "dumcumentary".

  4. "Implied Scott blocker"


    Maybe it's cuz granny is the babysitter...

  5. gay guys dont ogle fan chicks titties multiple times then rub their bottom lip a little cuz they're thinking about kissing said titties and the girl attached to body language if you dont believe that. Scott moir is so not gay. Tessa on the other hand...

    1. Yes! Are people FINALLY going to talk about the sex tape with Tessa and Joannie? I've been waiting for it!

    2. @6:41 anon: lmao it's about time

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