Monday, November 28, 2016

Signs of the Apocalypse

At the beginning of November, I anticipated that very soon I'd be too (happily) distracted to focus even the teensiest bit on the figure skating Grand Prix and its Orwellian mind-fuckery. Because:

November 7, 2016

But instead:

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Skate Canada

Just leaving this here:

this here:

this here:

“I think we’re trying to show there are different kinds of love,” said Donohue, 25, of the skate’s theme. “Obviously, there is romantic love which everyone in figure skating goes through in a way, but there is a lot more to love than just what you give to someone else. There is a lot of love surrounding yourself. We have a lot of movements in this program that are kind of about enjoying ourselves and our own space, so I think it’s a global kind of thought.” *Hubbell Donohue


Tracy: "Their new coaches were able to help
Virtue and Moir technically because that's why they
lost the gold in Sochi, they were a little bit vulnerable
technically, substituting a lot of above the waist
bullshit and posturing for actual skating skills."
ETA: VM were defeated on PCs, TRACY.
Fuck her. I don't care.
One of the unbearable parts of the last Olympic cycle was Davis White outscoring Virtue Moir on freaking pcs and then the media saying despite Virtue and Moir's matchless skating Davis and White were technically more consistent. Well, now they're neck and neck to Chock Bates, aren't they. At SKATE CANADA.

and this:

Shawn Rettstatt, Skate Canada
"technical controller"
The more things never change...

ETA - Following the fd with my side eye. Edited. Virtue Moir rules still apply. Papadakis Cizeron can still get astronomical scores with twizzles that can best be described as negligible, but Virtue Moir are scored against their best selves, a "best" self that still gets scored in the neighborhood of the scores awarded crap teams. The only other team with those special rules are the Shibs.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

More later

I'll expand on this post tomorrow, but for now - Virtue and Moir remain light years ahead of everyone else competing. There were glitches that, for every other team save VM, are hand-waved, but VM are measured against their best selves. This is especially true of Papadakis and Cizeron - glitches, stumbles, slightly off-time - who cares.

I don't think ice dancing, as a sport, cares anymore about unison, or how close a team skates together. Nor does ice dancing care much about direction changes and close hold.

Tessa VIRTUE / Scott MOIR FD 2016 Autumn... by diodio0013

I'm currently reading through the skating forums.

I don't know what the ISU was setting up by putting a journeyman team on the top of the world championship podium two years running, whether it was in anticipation of Virtue Moir's comeback or not, but for me, personally, the idea of actually having to discuss Papadakis and Cizeron vis a vis Virtue Moir and their respective chances is exhausting. One theory, I supposed, is that all of the other teams were soundly defeated by Virtue and Moir in the past, while Papadakis and Cizeron weren't even in the picture, and so the sport can pretend anything it wants about them. That's the depressing angle. The angle that these teams will take turns beating each other until the Olympics is another depressing angle. The somewhat not depressing angle has to do with something like - Skate Canada sold out Virtue and Moir from 2010-2014 in exchange for establishing, post-2014, a Canadian rink as the top ice dance training center in the world, which was done using P&C. Now VM are there to legitimize this deal.

So far, reading the forums, I see some participants think already Virtue and Moir look happier compared with how they looked skating the music Marina Zoueva of course FORCED upon them in 2013-2014.

Friday, September 2, 2016

I scrolled around FSU and Goldenskate today, saw things I'd missed.

Incredible lines on Tessa, observed FSU.


My body, my choice means you can make yourself a literal giant on twitter if you want. You go Tessa. #MyInspiration.

Not to mention: The mega-swollen right knee and the right foot as long as the left shin. I think the ISU should recruit judges from the ranks of fsu screen names. Powers of observation don't come more acute.

ETA - speaking of photoshop.

Some months back I saw this image again and this time noticed that Scott's left leg was disintegrating.  Huh. I wondered what/why they'd photoshopped, but moved on w/out scrutinizing the rest of the picture. The bottom of his right leg is also beginning to dematerialize. Today I took another look and noticed the rightward swirls on his t-shirt, on the same plane and matching the leftward swirl on Cassandra's dress. It appears to me that someone got out ye old warp tool to make it seem like Scott's hand was pulling up C's dress a bit. So the bottom line is someone got out the toolbox in order to make this picture more titillating than it actually was, and then made it CH's profile shot. I'm also curious about the hair Scott appears to be touching, because when you go in, the hair is "blowing in the wind" in an odd pattern and seems to be over his hand rather than occupying the same space.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Autumn Classic International
Sept. 29 – Oct. 1
Montreal, QC

* * *

Happy end of August from Future Cruise Ship Jessica:

Present day Jessica has found a bf, maybe:

It's no "He's my boyfriend and he's the best!"
but OTOH, his every pore isn't recoiling in palpable aversion.

Maybe she's en route to being this happy again.
I intended to mention Tessa and model Winnie Harlow's "My Beauty My Say" teaser clip in the last post, but I was struck into a stupor. When I came to, I'd already hit "publish," and it was mid-August. This initiative from Unilver for Dove is part of Dove's ongoing promotional outreach to real women with real bodies, who would like to for once buy an empathetic line of cleansers. Model Winnie Harlow is an unusual spin on this - she's not one of the "real-sized" women Dove showcases in their underwear (No objections, just saying that's Dove's hallmark), but she has vitiglio. I was interested in what she'd say.

The clip I saw was only a teaser, but featured Harlow saying this: "Gigi Hadid

 and Kendall Jenner

are my inspirations! People say they're not real supermodels but they ARE real supermodels! They totally are!"

Paraphrasing.  I couldn't get my eyes back to the front part of my sockets in time to watch it again before I conked out.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

This post is the written equivalent of drumming your fingers, killing time til training camp/actual news leaks. There's still awhile to go.


Marai Nagasu - I'm hopeful (just read this article below, published in mid-July). More of a David Wilson fan than ever:

Lori Nichols was just the worst for Nagasu. Generic. Whatever has prevented Nagasu's previous training arrangements from sticking, I hope this is the right fit, and I believe Wilson develops choreography as the best do it - organically. But you have to have big talent to do it that way. Not one or two recycled ideas (like Dean and Nichols).

"I loved the whole process," Nagasu continued. "I love how the program feels very natural. I wouldn't say it's easy to skate to, but I don't feel like I'm forcing myself into any of the jumps. I'm sure I'll feel different when I'm training the jumps; I'm sure I'll fall."

I can't think of many other contemporary high level choreographers, other than Marina Zoueva, who create programs that not only feel natural to the skater, but naturally evolve in expression and technique as the season goes on.* I'm a little afraid of Nagasu's LP music being too on the nose/cheesy (The Winner Takes It All), but it could be politically effective, and stop the judges from scoring her with Nagasu rules (You're yesterday. Here's three UR. Get out.)

Mirai's situation has pissed me off because while I recognize she has at times been her own worst enemy, let nerves get to her, and had unstable training situations, blah blah blah blah, that's no different than Gracie Gold, and as much talent as Gold has, I think Mirai has more. The USFSA has tried to drive her out while skater-whispering, babysitting and hand-holding other head cases.

P.S. I'm kind of curious if Wilson emphasizing that Mirai is an adult is an attempt to reinforce her independence from her mom.


Papadakis/Cizeron fans are fighting it out with Virtue Moir fans on FSuniverse. So that shows how far the game has descended. Papadakis/Cizeron are a thirteenth place team artificially elevated to the championship level - there is no basis for this discussion.


Bryce Davison's wedding is scheduled for June 2017?!! What is that - a two and a half year engagement?

It's been said when you live southern California you have to be careful. You can sit down facing the ocean when you're 24, when you get up what feels like a week later, you're 86. I guess it means the atmosphere is a time sink. I feel like Jessica Dube's cruise ship life might be heading the same way:

I can see it.

P.S. Virtue and Moir are also buddying it up with Papadakis Cizeron on social media. It feels to me as if this is shaping up as VM v. Davis White redux, only, it is to be hoped, the agreement is that Virtue Moir pretend Papadakis Cizeron are first rate skaters and it's a challenge to beat them ---- as long as Virtue and Moir DO beat them. If they went into this not knowing whether or not they'd have to take second to a team that covers six whole inches of ice in every program when they're not wobbling, I have no words. Virtue and Moir already did two Olympic cycles as a legitimate team sacrificed to validate a fake team; I don't know why they'd sign up for a third round.

*Davis White aren't skaters.

Thursday, June 30, 2016


In 2014 Papadakis and Cizeron finished 13th - that's three spots below 10th  - in the Ice Dance World Championships.

Here's the top fifteen order of finish:

(The Shibs finished 6th)

Here's the 2014 free dance. (13th place is three spots behind Alexandra Paul and Mitch Islam):

The guy who can't act on
"Jane the Virgin" (Justin Baldoni)
I think there's a similar vibe to Cizeron,
who skates with his face.
(Papadakis's hair gets it done for her.)

Here's 12th place:

Julia Zlobina/Alexei Sitnikov

One year later:

World Champions. (The Shibs finished 5th, advancing one spot.  Paul/Islam are now 13th. These two jump 12 spots.)

I just hope Virtue and Moir got a deathbed promise from David Dore before they signed up to train at the Gadbois Centre. 


Checking in with Jessica:

Second go round on the cruise ship circuit.

Cozier than most of her
images with Scott Moir.
(Jessica and her brother.)

I think the study reporting that people who post deep quotes on social media have lower I.Q.s has been debunked, but you can see how it would gain credence:

This used to be a happy dog.