Friday, January 17, 2014

Action pants

This post is an intersticial until tonight's programs/lifts comparison.

So, for Scott:

The answer to your costume
dilemma, you stud.

Also, extra reading:
Action Pants: Genital Panic
Three episodes in, I can't figure out why the W Network contracted for a reality show pitched to approximately two dozen people on the internet.

Among the general viewing audience, Scott and Tessa aren't famous. When that public tunes in, all many will know is Scott and Tessa won the gold in Vancouver in 2010. But traditionally, the public's interest in figure skating spikes during an Olympic year, and this is an Olympic year. And this is Scott and Tessa's introduction:

Let's meet Tessa & Scott:

They don't like their programs and their officials don't like their programs and they don't really like being figure skaters. Technically, they mostly suck - not only do they struggle executing key elements, they're barely motivated to try. They're kind of slow. TSA agents and airline passengers are more comfortable getting close, and certainly we've seen ice skating chimps with greater joy in performance. None of it matters anyway because the Americans are going to win.

Tessa, an Olympic and World champion, is a tedious, self-flagellating paranoid oppressed by skating, living, and breathing. She's counting the decades til the retirement community.

Her penis-endowed partner, Scott, alternates barely restrained impatience with exaggerated tolerance/pity, but mostly he's x-ing off the weekdays til he can sit on the couch with his mute, blank-faced girlfriend.

Don't you want them to kiss???!!!

For skating fans, it appears they're setting up excuses. "We're not going to win but we're over this skating deal anyway." "We're not going to win but I've got a wonky back, so..."

What a great idea for a show. They have to be breaking ratings records with this thing.

47 comments:

  1. cannot wait for your view on their FD. it's really eye opening to watch VM, then everyone else, and realize that they are in a league of their own. their lifts are out of this world. without DW split lift theyve used for years, they have nothing. i just cant understand the scoring beyond the obvious the fix was in. everyone hate last year's SD. i loved it. and carmen blows Bolero out of the water. Carmen is the greatest free dance in all time. i doubt any team will come up with something more original, insanely difficult and amazing.

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    1. I too loved last year's SD. I can't believe it got so much flak for not being "polka" enough. Hello, one of the prescribed rhythms last year was waltz, which V/M captured beautifully.

      D/W's Giselle on the other hand, had no semblance of ballet, and more importantly, no semblance of skating. Hell, V/M's "Everybody Dance Now" exhibition piece from when they were freaking juniors had more ballet than Giselle.

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    2. The SDs this quad have been a joke. At least VM captured the prescribed rhythms and characters...

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    3. It bothers me that DW are made out (in interviews, commentary, and fan posts) to be the hardest workers yet I don't see it showing in their skating. They had improved earlier in their careers, but now? Why am I not seeing better basic stroking? Why am I not seeing any attempt at dancing? Why am I not seeing transitions that consist of more than hops and random twirls? I want to SEE the hard work.
      I can see it with the other top teams, but not with DW.

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    4. They also pull that "D/W deserve that gold because they work hard." Really? All of the skaters work hard. why don't they have gold medals too? And V/M have way more shit to happen to them in their whole senior career. If they put it that way then V/M deserve gold too for battling politics and injuries yet still being the best dancers this quad/generation.

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  2. Do those action pants come in velour?!?

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    1. hahaha...good one...this from a guy who had no problems wearing a macho (insert sarcasm) super Mario outfit for Halloween last year...rollseyes...
      Does Morozov get a pair as well?

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    2. "Do those action pants come in velour?!?"

      They will come Sochi 2014!!

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    3. 3:49
      " this from a guy who had no problems wearing a macho (insert sarcasm) super Mario outfit for Halloween last year...rollseyes..."

      Is there a picture of that available ?

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    4. scott moirio http://cs307903.vk.me/v307903791/11f7f/gv4TUU2I28A.jpg

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  3. I don't think I'll ever be able to reconcile V/M's elegant presence on ice with their total fuckery everywhere else. It's hard to believe the same two people are responsible for all of it.

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  4. I was at Canadian nationals and I can tell you that the entire final flight and some of the second last flight were better than DW--faster and cleaner and not so wooden. And I couldn't believe how many of them were able to get around the ice without hopping and skipping. I guess they got lower transitions marks because they didn't include all those things. I mean, a wow factor that consists of hopping, running, and dragging your partner all around the ice is what gets you top marks these days--perfect 10s, in fact.

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    1. OC, I would love it if you could do a comparison between DW and either WP or PI. Their superiority to DW is so obvious, but it is nice to see specifics.

      It is interesting because Kaitlyn used to have issues with her stroking technique and her lifting technique. She actually has put in the work to improve these things and you can see it in their skating. That is where I like the hard work to do all the talking: on the ice.

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    2. Kaitlyn has indeed improved significantly, and I like both their programs this year. I still feel though that Andrew has to drag her during the footwork sequences, and all their FD lifts, all though well executed, are recycled from previous FDs and not nearly on the same scale as P/I's, much less V/M's. If they want to contend for the top of the podium, they need to work on those areas. I see P/I exceeding them before long, in the same way V/M quickly climbed the ranks while Dubreil/Lauzon were still competing.

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    3. Actually, i would like OC to compare DW to an even lower ranked team. DW have really fallen behind--most of the other teams are improving and DW are not.

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    4. At the moment I'm finishing up gif-ing 2 DW lifts at US Nationals to the top three Canadian teams' lifts at Canadians.

      Overall, I felt this wasn't Kaitlyn's best skate - there were moments where she appeared to revert to the Kaitlyn who didn't have the cleanest, surest feet. They have an elegant "look" but I don't think elegant or extremely precise skating is their best bet because they're not always consistent matching the grace of movement and depth of edge with the long lines of their bodies. A sharp-edged dance like the tango can look a bit jerky if you don't have wonderful control and extremely precise feet. Still with all three there is a HUGE difference between all three Canadians and DW, with DW looking ridiculous in comparison. This is beyond frustrating because apparently nobody in skating is allowed to point it out and nobody covering skating is allowed to notice either. It's not a mystery, either. We know what skating looks like. The sport pretends it's inpenetrable but it ISN'T. We can see edges, holds, direction changes. It doesn't take a genius. The fucking sport is OBSERVABLE as sport, as technique. It's not a mystery. We can all see the crime here.

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  5. The conversation on FSU is making me want to scream... WTH people, you think we're going to cherish this show a few years from now, that the people who don't like it are stupid romantics, that focusing all PR on proving you're not a couple is "more honest" than the "platonic passion, maybe more soon" of 2010 (newsflash: both are idiotic, get over your relationship already, you're ice dancers not soap opera stars)

    How can people be so blind?

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    1. "How can people be so blind?"

      Maybe the same way all the judges see D/W as the greatest skaters in the world?

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    2. The judges don't see them that way; they're just scoring them that way. If they honestly saw great skating, other teams could get away with it. The judges hold other teams to the rulebook. DW are not held to the rulebook. This is politics.

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  6. does anyone know what the title of the book tessa was writing on in the in the college scene of ep.3??

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    1. The.........of PARENTING
      strange book to read for those who do not have children ... because she has no children...ahahahahaha

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    2. maybe she is taking developmental psych class?

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    3. The Psychology of Parenting.

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    4. Correction - The Process of Parenting

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    5. She should have just given the camera the middle finger - same difference.

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    6. I wonder if that book as any advice on what to do when your child has issues due to your lying about your child existing during the early years of her life.

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    7. I wonder if that's what the smug smile was all about. Tessa is so ridiculous.

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    8. "The Process of Parenting describes the many ways parents and caregivers can translate their love for children into effective parenting behavior. The book has strong emphasis on the development process in terms of children’s and parents’ growth as complex individuals, and in the changing nature of their relationships over time. Because parents and children are distinct individuals, the book includes a problem-solving approach that can help parents arrive at solutions that fit them, their children, and their life circumstances. The ninth edition includes new first person narrative boxes and more emphasis on social context, new evidence-based parenting programs, and international parenting."
      This is the book description from amazon...

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    9. Going back to the episode - we know that Scott gets the asshole edit. However if indeed Scott was injured after Finlandia and before Skate Canada - kudos to him for pushing through and competing. Don't get me wrong - all skaters have injuries that they skate through - but if it had anything to do with Scott's neck or back - those are extremely uncomfortable. My two cents...

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    10. sounds like a textbook

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    11. "sounds like a textbook"

      ?? That's because it is a textbook.

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  7. Thank god there was a pumpkin between Scott and Cassandra so he could avoid any real eye contact.
    Cassandra once again wasn't allowed to say much and maybe it's for the better. The few things she says are either mumbled or incomprehensible. Her heartfelt " Right ... " to Scott's concerns regarding the Olympics was my personal highlight of the episode.

    Do you think Scott's injury was staged too ?

    Apparently Tessa forgot the countless times she told her that her mommy dearest lives with her in Canton because now she only comes to visit.

    I am quite impressed that we haven't seen any Moirs so far.

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    1. Apparently Rockne Brubaker makes an appearance (a pairs skater at Canton) but no sign of the Shibs...I think that's telling...I wonder if the Shibs refused to appear on the show or perhaps they weren't asked...anon at 9:56 pm -totally agree with your assessment...anon at 3:55 am - I don 't think Scott's injury was staged...in one post Skate Canada interview Tessa mentioned that they were working on one lift but it was too dangerous...
      You know how some posters said that in the end - we are not going to learn anything about Tessa and Scott and their skating - guess what - going into episode 4 - what have we really seen? Filler...and that's what we are going to get for the remainder of this series...And we are not going to really see the Moirs or the Virtues or Tessa's friends (only perhaps in the next episode) - it will be brief - like Weaver/Poje's appearance..if I had to guess expect to see more of Patrick Chan and you know who...

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    2. 6:53 -- what's with your constant negativity and cynicism? Are you always that way, or is there any way you can turn it off for a minute?

      Some interesting skating things I've seen:

      -- Johnny Johns coaching them in lifts. I know he's their lift coach, but I'd never had the chance to see how he actually works. Also liked to see how they use the video camera to watch their lifts.

      -- the number of speciality coaches they use. I didn't realize they have a special "Finnstep" coach. I wonder if that's a new thing after Igor left, of if they've always had separate CD coaches. FSU gave me the impression that CDs were taught by Marina and Igor.

      -- the HPC feedback. I know it's done, but it was interesting for me to see what types of things they focus on and how they communicate it to the skaters.


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    3. Anon at 7:44 am - you are right - I wasn't in a good mood before. In terms of the coaches - video analysis is the norm in any elite athletes evalaution and feedback process in any sport. In terms of the number of coaches - I am guessing that because it's an Olympic year - they bring in specialists on occasion for feedback - they are not there on a full time basis. And that's why it gets pricey...and not everyone has the resources. Not every skating rink has the different specialists..do you think that Carol Lane at Scarborough has the number of staff that Canton has..I doubt it...That's why when amateur athletes get additional funding - the money goes to training and coaching.....and the difference can be glaring...look at Paul/Islam ...do you think that if they had stayed in Barrie - they would have improved as much as they did?
      VM do pay a ridiculous amount of attention to detail - but I really believe that's probably due to Tessa's love of dance. They upped the standard. And that's why it's frustrating to see the 10s for DW light up the board - because they have the same resources as VM (if not more) and yet the finished product is nowhere as sophisticated..
      And I will take your advice and be positive..

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  8. You also have to wonder the reasons that they added Fedor and Rockne to this episode is for eye candy purposes - ie. look at the demographic they want to hit...cuz god forbid Oleg Epstein should be shown coaching them...

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    1. Oleg Opstein was shown very briefly, as their transitions coach.

      When did Fedor become a footwork specialist? And who was the Finnstep specialist? I was expecting it to be Maurizio Margalio.

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    2. Fedor as a footwork specialist...huh. Well, maybe he's a better coach than he was a competitor.

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  9. so confused. if youre right OC how does this conspiracy hold. if theyre really hard asses who control their career choreography and so on, how is this show happening the way it's happening? and not for a second do I believe that VM and DW are not friends. NO WAY. they are friends on and off the ice.

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    1. The show is happening because this is what they put out there. I think all of us would struggle to think the way do and I certainly can't. BUT, the main thing I can gather is

      1. it's as far away from who they are as it can get, and that's why they're doing it.

      2. They're egocentric and have it in their heads that we see them as these perfect people with a perfect relationship and everything is easy, so they're going in the other direction to "humanize" themselves while also enabling agenda "1.".

      Of course it's awful because they are as dumb as a box of rocks and so of course assume WE'RE even stupider, so we get this cartoon-level exposition as dialogue and they go so far in the other direction to show how not together they are they become off-putting and gross. Why would people with this relationship want a reality show?

      And there are other agendas, apparently, such as Tessa trying to show she does NOT emasculate Scott - even though she's beautiful, and talented, and independent, her reality is she's pining over him and he has the power in that relationship. That is a HUGE message they're trying to send - HE has the power, not her. She has NO power.

      So we can safely assume Moirville sees it the other way and was very anxious to show us it's the other way.

      And "for the fans" we have the hints that even though Scott has a hot and heavy pumpkin carving relationship with C, and is not interested in Tessa, he doesn't want Tessa interested in anyone else. Isn't it romantic?

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    2. It's possible for V/M to be smart about their skating but be dumb as a box of rocks about everything else because of who they surround themselves with and take advice from. When it comes to skating, they've surrounded themselves with top coaches in the sport who demand high levels of dedication, hard work, and fortitude from their skaters. When it comes to everything else...

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    3. I agree but they've always been on point with their team. So how are they able to recognize the best and stick with them year after year but be such dumb fucks themselves? Because both are true.

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  10. the first two episodes had me thinking maybe OC is wrong. but 3rd episode im with you. not with the baby unless i hear "yes ive seen the baby confirmation" but as to their relationship. scott looks DISGUSTED when he is with cassandra, same with her. and her mother's questioning of tessa is hilarious bc she cant even ask questions she knows are fake without appearing confused. love that woman. anyway, DYING and cannot wait to hear your comments on newish FD. i think the last lift is still being worked out. but it's much better than before. tho i loved it at finlandia.

    AND i do believe they have a chance at sochi. i know the fix is in. everyone does. including VM despite being dumb as rocks. But they came very close in sochi, surprising even meryl. so if they nail it, i think they can win by .01. i really think they can get away with it. a lot will depend on skating order and DW but it aint over.

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    1. they;re not going to win in sochi. the american judge is on the panel. oh well the good thing is D/W will probably fade into obscurity once they win OGM because no one will remember their mediocre programs. i bet even the shibs would be more remembered now because of their MJ FD. it is also interesting that they started filming in 2012 . makes me wonder if a lot of the off ice scenes were filmed earlier. also interesting jdubs broke up with scott around this time

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    2. Their OGM will have an asterisk next to it, like their entire career; "Best OGM won by politics and bribes". They will always be remembered as being V/M's competitors, but none of their programs or elements will be remembered. Does anybody remember Notre Dame? Not a chance. But people are still talking about Carmen, and most true ice dance fans have been converted to Season, because they can appreciate the tremendous skill and the willingness to take on an obscure, difficult piece of music and make it their own.

      There is absolutely nothing memorable about Shez, down to the costumes, which are as cliche as it gets. V/M took a warhorse like Carmen and completely turned it on its head and made it their own. We will now always associate Carmen with V/M, in the same way we associate Carmen with Katrina Witt.

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    3. people will remember michelle kwan more than they will remember d/w and she does not have an OGM. even if d/w win both OGM at sochi they will still be second to v/m. second as in second NA dance team to win gold. when v/m won in vancouver they shattered records more records than d/w will ever shatter. not only were they 1st NA team to win OGM they were the youngest and they won it on home soil. for d/w? first USA team to win gold. that's it. they would be lucky if americans will remember them but everyone knows USA only cares about ladies singles.

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  11. I love how running and skidding like a hockey player counts as a "wow factor" that makes you worthy of OGM. When you are hard-pressed to find the skating in a program, that is a problem.

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