Episode 4, Part Last

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This episode was a neither-fish-nor-fowl torture. It didn't try to tell us much. It didn't promote Scott and Tessa's reality show personas (her a pathetic P.G. Wodehouse-esque gawdhelpus, him something out of Duck Dynasty) as much as previous episodes, so it was a slog. Episode 5 makes up for it (based on what I've read, I actually will be able to stay awake long enough to post that tomorrow), apparently.

The most striking element of this episode were the ways in which we saw how the actual Scott Moir is accustomed to wending his way through the maze of Tessa's insanity and zeroing in/connecting with something human.

And, to give Tessa some credit, there was this way she appears to differ from Moirville:

"TRYING to be funny? SUCCEEDING!"

Very unlike Tessa, this sort of remark re Scott reads as completely genuine and not at all controlling/patronizing/pandering. How did Tessa overlook the opportunity here to make herself seem pathetic? Oh well, I hear she doubles down in Episode 5.

I'm so glad she has a daughter. That child will be chewing her nails to the quick and self-abusing by age 6, if she takes after her mother.

 I certainly hope none of the little and young girls who idolize Tessa Virtue watch this show and learn what a male-dependant, self-lacerating, self-disgusted, inept, pathetic, incompetent waste of oxygen she finds herself to be, Olympic champion and model-gorgeous though she is. WAY to go, Tessa. Why not put a suicide hotline number scroll in all your scenes? I think you owe it to fans. If YOU suck, what right do all those ordinary females watching have to exist?

"Scott almost seemed to give a shit."

I liked - and obviously, noticed, that moment too, Kate.

One thing this reality show has accomplished. It's cleared up that whole thing where fans were confused how an apparently "classy" "smart" lady like Kate Virtue has enabled something like this sham.

WHY did people think she was smart? The blonde bob? Her husband is a litigation attorney? Tessa - the Madwoman of London  - said she was?

At least it's settled now that she's as dumbass as her youngest daughter.

Seriously. Not even a random extra behind them. I'd say we should
be insulted but let's just stipulate that about the entire reality show.

They beat Kaitlyn and Andrew! What a relief!
Maybe they'll make the top 5 in Sochi after all!

Cassandra seems to be struggling to hold onto Scott, and
Scott admires Tessa's outfit and notices her shoes!
Episode 5 must be FANTASTIC!

With this episode, I keep thinking of the saying about "it's not you, it's me." I want to say my slatternly recapping is "me" but this episode was rank. It just hovered over a bunch of the themes established in 1-4.

Episode 5 tomorrow (my plan is the whole thing).

Also, I'm going to put up some more skating comparisons (linked in the comments section to the post below).

Episode 4, Part Deux

I have nothing bad to say.

Get hold of yourselves, ladies, you're just making shit up here.
("[Scott and Tessa] don't know how much they'll miss each other!")
Think of the last time you humiliated a bunch of sincere
supporters of your kids' skating and cheer up.

Alma confesses she thinks the ending of "Seasons" is "about us."

Does she think Scott and Tessa are saying "Thanks for everything - and now we're going to try and have our own lives?"

Well no wonder she's a mess.

And did Alma actually get drunk on camera or is this just behavior she can summon on autopilot?

Back to the skating. Oh what a surprise, Scott and
Tessa report they sucked at Skate Canada.

Kaitlyn and Andrew didn't make the World podium last year,
but Scott and Tessa are nervous about them because of their
incredible connection, chemistry, rapport, and ability to perform.

That's how you set yourself up for Sochi.  "Meryl and Charlie are perfect and we're just worried about competing against people who didn't make the Olympic team in 2010."

To my relief Scott briefly seemed to have a moment of rationality and explained, politely, that as much as they respect Kaitlyn and Andrew they don't like having the scores this close, and it's not because they're afraid of Kaitlyn and Andrew, but because they are a whole lot better than Kaitlyn and Andrew and the scores shouldn't be anywhere near each other. He didn't say it, SAY it, but he said it.

I love how Johnny Johns sort of tries to keep his
lying virginity. Like, the first time he appeared, he didn't pretend
not to know the HPC feedback - he just said "Remind me what it was."
I just get the feeling there's a limit to the stupid he can even fake.

Johnny and Marina need to get on the same page with Scott and Tessa. Scott and Tessa keep saying seasons is about the seasons of their partnership. Marina and Johnny keep saying that Seasons is about the seasons of a relationship between man woman. That's why Johnny and Marina are flirting up there when wondering what season they're in. It's not the seasons of lift coaching they're cooing about.

Part three coming up.

Tessa & Scott - Episode 4 Part I

This was a a super tough episode to even think about recapping. It didn't have the heavy handed Macho Scott edit, nor as much of an overbearing "Tessa is a waste of oxygen" edit.

It wasn't too cohesive, and included an extremely frustrating spin on the so-called competition between DW and VM.

It did have the - advertant or in - subtext that Scott knows exactly just how insane Tessa is.

Even though we're not supposed to know (or notice) that Scott loves her, the subtext and visuals were that he loves her - and is in love with her - and is accustomed to working her through her batshit, reality challenged, control-freaked self.

I dislike the "Scott is catnip to the ladies" and "Tessa is frigid and insecure" message we're getting from this reality show - the more so because of how ruthless Tessa herself is about presenting herself as worthless. BUT there were times during this episode where it played as: okay, he knows she's out of her mind. OUT. Of. Her. Mind. And there was something fascinating about his apparent recognition of, familiarity with, and ability to nurse her through her control-bot moments.

It made me wonder other things about her. I suspect that Tessa's claims that all the girls had a crush on Scott when they were little is just spin. The two of them bonded very fast, and he was way too small, crazy, hot-tempered, critical, impatient, moody, emotional and high energy for most girls (his first partner dumped him, remember). And he was rapidly (and while very young) in love with her, and vice versa.

So, to protect his vulnerability  - and since Moirville appears to find shame in vulnerability, particularly when it's a guy vulnerable to a woman (there's nothing more hilarious) - we get the Macho Scott/his milkshake brings all the girls to the yard, edit, an edit which is mortifyingly transparent and pathetic.

But the more I watch this show, the more I wonder where on this planet there exists a man other than Scott Moir who would be motivated to to drill through Tessa Virtue's insanity and connect with something human.

Previously on Tessa & Scott:
Kate Virtue encouraged Tessa to inventory her shortcomings. Chiddy and Scott shared quality time and grew closer. 

Tessa: "I'm super private, but at the same time, I
want to promote our brand. It's a balancing act.
Our brand is I'm a paranoid, high-strung, re-virginized
sack of fail who is barely tolerated by her partner,
and my partner is a smug overcompensating pencil-dick."

They're not private.  They're power-tripping. There's a difference.

There's a lot of talk in this episode about retirement, but they never explicitly say they're retiring after Sochi. We know Sochi is coming, and they're talking about retirement or "after this is done" but they don't say "after Sochi, our eligible career is over." This is a connection we're supposed to assume.

Scott fail.
Scott: "I can't. I can't be that much of a dick.
I can't say the line the way you want
me to say the line."

This was where Scott, apparently, was meant to be gritting his teeth as Tessa offered to buy him groceries, drive him on errands, and generally help out while his back hurt. Poor, pathetic Tessa.
Scott took a shot at shutting down Tessa for the camera, but punted.

This is the first time Scott has ever been injured. Except for last season when his neck took him out of Finlandia. But except for that.

However, this time, it's much more ominous, because:

Tessa: "I look at Meryl and Charlie and see perfection.
I see flawlessness. Meantime, Scott and I are just
hoping to stay in front of Kaitlyn and Andrew."

What are we supposed to do with this? Contradict them? Is the ISU going to contradict them - or take it and run?

Part II next

P.S. - but before I go too far with the "insanity" verdict, there's always "stupid." I think that one is a whole lot more likely, actually. Stupid people who believe they're bright because they're talented, because they're friends with and work with people who are smart, and because they look smart (classic looks and polish translate to the assumption that someone must be smart).

We're not the only ones.

Look at this. A couple of Londoners. MALE. And pissed off.

Bush appears to be an independent sports journalist and musician. So give Scott and Tessa two seconds to give him a brief Q&A and back under the tent he'll go.

Ice Dance Analysis Blogspot

I wanted to take a post and link to Ice Dance Analyst Blogspot- and thank you VERY much to those in the comments below who first linked to it and highlighted what this terrific blog is pointing out - right in front of our faces is evidence that Davis White have repeatedly been credited for key points missed by Meryl. If she's on a flat she gets credit for the correct edge. Other teams do not. The authors also have a twitter:

@icedanceanalyst

It's absolutely unbelieveable that sportswriters and skating commentators engage in NO analysis of the actual skating in ice dance in any way that's relevant to the rules by which this discipline purports to be judged. NONE. This season we've been buried under an avalanche of bullshit about momentum, personality, theme, acting, costuming, work ethic, 110%, "tight" "loose" - chemistry - and nothing about the skating. This season is of course the season which will culminate in Davis & White winning the gold in Sochi - so OF COURSE.

Ice dance fans are treated with contempt by their sport. If they weren't, Virtue and Moir's reality show would be impossible, Davis and White's bogus scoring would be impossible. I don't think these things are unconnected. The fans of the sport are kept uninformed. The fans of the sport are treated like easy marks. Even when the fans push BACK, the sport then uses its journalist/groupie cadre to reiterate bullshit about fans - ubers, shippers, romantics, rubes who can't respond to anything but in your face non-skating showmanship, dreamers - we're anything they say we are, except informed observers. They mutually enable the continuation of a corrupt and self-serving status quo.

The "journalists" who cover the sport - even those who have covered it for decades - don't know anything about it. I'd challenge, for example, Christine Brennan or E.M. Swift to watch a skating program and distinguish one edge from another, one jump from another, understand what run of blade means, understand what directional variation and changes of hold means, understand what skating into and out of an element means - understand anything whatsoever about figure skating. They've covered it for years, and have never felt this to be important. They also hobnob with figure skating notables who comprise their sources, and yet with all the ways people "inside" figure skating have chewed the fat with these two "journalists", and with countless other skating "journalists", a rudimentary understanding of the basics of figure skating has never been relevant to those conversations.

There is no accountability in this sport. This is NOT a sport. It's absolutely shameful that the only places where ice dance is analyzed, where the rules are referenced (the rules, not the protocols) and where scoring is critiqued are places created by FANS. Fans - not sportswriters - go to the videotape for replay and gifs and slow mo, then go to the rulebook to see if what was executed matches how it was scored. This exercise is basic to ALL sports and is nonexistent in the coverage of figure skating even by those who make their living in figure skating.

Meantime these same fans are continually dumped on coming and going - by those who cover the sport, and by the skaters themselves. There is a huge resistance to having an informed public.

Episode 3, Part 4

"Andrew does the cooking."

"What is he, a woman?"

"Do you make sure you schedule time so that
you both have SPACE and get the chance to
breathe without getting on each other's fucking
nerves from spending one more second than you
absolutely need to spend together because each
of you finds the other one so goddamn annoying?"

"And do you ever just SNAP and want to PUNCH
her in the face?"

"Dinner with Kaitlyn and Andrew made me realize
I needed to make this work."

"Bullshit, pretense, role-playing, amping up,
faking out - you don't need this. You don't
need to WORK for that.  It is what it is. Deep in your nature."

Marina is the WORST.

GOD this episode was long.

Episode 3, Part 3

"So, it's a little tense at the rink with your partner ...
Scott? ...you said his name was?"

"Yeah. I sort of mentioned to him how I felt
and he didn't like that. At all.
It was scary."

"I mean, he'd never hit me.
I think."

"Well, did you think about your behavior and what you
might be doing wrong to set him off?"

Look at Meryl, smiling about her high scores.
She and Tessa are ENEMIES, I tell you.
ENEMIES.

I want them.

 

Wha?

Girlfriend.
"Body pillow."
"Human."
"Female."
"Vagina."

CUT! CUT!! CUT!!!!!!!!!
(male/male affection)

"Do you think about the "Olympics" a lot yet?
Every day? All day?"

Scott: "When you go to bed at night? And get
up in the morning, you're thinking about it?"
Patrick: "Ha ha yeah."
Scott: "And in the shower? And when you have
breakfast in those little shorts?"
Patrick: "I try to imagine ... how it's going to be."

"It doesn't have to just be something you 'imagine.'
Patrick."

I love how he and monosyllabic coSondra can't even choke out a conversation without a pumpkin intermediary, but stick him and Patrick against a fence and it's a runaway train.

"Come on guy. I can see you want it."
"Hey, wait, no, no -  I'm not ready!"

"No means no!"

"You like me, though, right?"

"I do like you. I like you a lot."

Tessa: "We're honestly so close."
Damn. That's dissappointing. I thought they
were honestly so close.

Stay tuned for more of our alienated,
chemistry-less relationship and
 brittle, distasteful personalities!

To be continued.

_________________________
P.S. The gay panic in this reality series is unreal. Patrick and Scott go on a date, and we see an insert of "Patrick's girlfriend". She never appears again in the episode. I believe that's his girlfriend, but what was the point, since she didn't interact? Just to show he has one and she was present.