Thanks, Kurt, for yet another invaluable contribution to the perception of figure skating. Other men might have stopped after making figure skating safe for masculinity, but you had more to give.
The post title above is a Kurt quote from the "fly on the wall" documentary, Blood Sweat and Tears, out today.
An article on the movie:
Yeah, Skate Canada commissioned this project.
This certainly has Skate Canada's snow boots all over it. For example, those crazy figure skating costumes! Who has the craziest?
"Sometimes people get caught up in the crazy costumes, and God knows the Russian skaters* from time to time have provided us with fodder in the crazy costumes. We wanted (viewers) to get past that and see the incredible athleticism of what they do."That's a quote from one of the filmmakers.
And there's this:
Of the science of skating: viewers learn that while a hockey shift lasts on average about 25 seconds, a figure skater's long program is four-and-a-half minutes.Which obviously means:
The air time for a quad jump, viewers are told, is .65 seconds. Skaters leap about 23 inches off the ice, approximately the same height a basketball player needs to jump to dunk a ball. Skaters land on one foot on a three-millimetre wide blade.
Debbi is still at it
So now we know what Debbi has been doing with her time when not cramming Piper and Paul down our throats. I bet the entire film is a Debbi Wilkes Production. Because this "oh it's actually super hard!" theme has been such a winner for Skate Canada since Debbi joined its administration.
I bet if we saw her cv we'd see "Documentary film industry consultant" has been added.
She's still trying to convince us that underneath the costumes, choreography, make-up, music, spinning, leaping, dancing, spiraling and throwing, figure skating is all tough. It's because hockey fans and fans of regular sports don't GET that figure skating is tough that they don't pack the figure skating house. They think it's all easy and stuff.
That's why Skate Canada pays Debbi the big bucks.
And of course, would it be a Skate Canada anything without treating fans like shit:
While McNamara and Holm hope the film produces some figure skating converts, they also hope its well-received by the sport's faithful fans, to which they also pay tribute in "Ice, Sweat and Tears."Oh my goodness - they pay tribute to us! I hope the short bus we ride in gets tons of close-ups!
"They're kind of like Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans)," McNamara said laughing. "They follow them from concert to concert. They're really devoted to it and they really do a lot of research on the minutiae of the lives of the skaters, their routines and careers. We thought it was kind of fascinating that there is this kind of level of love and devotion.
"Certainly there are fans in other sports who are devoted and obsessive, but the skating fans are really an interesting breed."
I can't really protest because the reality is I do so much research on the minutiae of the lives of the skaters myself. Did you know that Jessica Dube and Bryce Davison took a compatibility quiz and the results said they were opposite? Did you know that one of the family members of Weaver & Poje makes the best breakfast tacos on the planet? Did you know that Tessa Virtue likes to hit that snooze button five or six times in the morning but Scott bounds out of bed first thing and has his banana (comment person who insists Scott is gay - don't jump on that)?
Oh - figure skating fans! The things we come up with! We're very special fans.
So let's review:
- Tired, dated overcompensation (our sport is TOUGH and HETERO) - check
- Russia bashing and condescending - check
- Passive aggressive fan bashing - check
Those crazy Russian costumes!
Or maybe the point is that Russians take stuff seriously but Canadian skaters dress funny to make fun of stuff? They're classy like that.
|French ice dancers|
|Typical Russian figure skating costumes according to Canada.|
Ekaterina Riazanova and Ilia Tkachenko
Russian Bronze Medalists in Ice Dance
Skate Canada 2012