Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The "Best Of"

The "comments" section below the "Who is paying for it" post is getting lengthy, so I'm putting this here - my personal "best of" this ongoing hoax:
  1. Menage a Trois Sur la Glace
    "I'm Jessica Dube and I date Scott MOIR and skate with Bryce. AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS." [shrug_shrug_shrug_shrug_shrug_shrug_shrug_shrug]

    Let's see:

    "I'm Tanith Belbin and I skate with BEN and fuck Charlie WHITE! And that's the way it is!" (Sorry Tanith... and Charlie.)

    Yes, that sounds normal.

  2. The Dominican photo spam coinciding with the start of the Olympic season, not to mention the photos themselves. By banking the photos in May but waiting til September for the drop,  Jessica appeared desperately threatened by Tessa.* "It's ME in the REAL relationship!" They could have saved album space with just one photo of Jessica lifting her leg and peeing on Scott.

  3. The Paris walkabout photoshoot - grotesque, realities considered.

4.  The Monaco sting – no Olympic photos from Alma, no Worlds photos but come see Monaco!! And look who’s here! Tessa too, but she’s not around much. The big whoop with the prince is mostly about Scott and Jessica! We don't really like spending time with Tessa when she and Scott aren't skating.

5.   OMG, this one time, like, super recently, on practice ice, for the first time in 13 years on ice or off, our lips totally by accident barely sort of kind of almost BRUSHED during practice, while we were in CHARACTER, but not really BRUSHED more like a bump? and it could even have been a lip BREEZE, but we are such complete twits and innocent KIDS we were so embarrassed and couldn't even like, look at each other afterwards!! And Scott took it personally and was all what the hell, but it was really because the idea of kissing him was so WEIRD!! I mean, I just never think of him like that - he's my partner!! We don't even think of the other one as having genitalia, to be honest! And you know why that is  - it's because we're so platonic we almost forget the other is the opposite gender and the idea of kissing them is SO ALIEN and WEIRD that we were completely FREAKED when it happened!! OMG, is there any way we can embellish this MORE - just ask!!
6.   “Characters on the ice”, George Clooney, "It's a compliment" and a bonus for the gaslight special: “I get it – I want characters in movies together in real life too.” Fuck off and stop telling us what we think and why we think it.

7.  The RIFT – their new story (180 from their original story) is that from her first surgery through -  how CONVENIENT - TEB and beyond -  they were estranged. That's right. Scott jerked his chair close to hers in the Bercy Kiss'nCry and pawed her neck, kissed her on ice, went with her everywhere, barely left her side during Worlds 2009 and practically stapled himself to her during 2009 4CCs to cover up the painful reality that they had lost their connection. How difficult it must have been to develop both Mahler and Farrucas off mere memory, to act out what they no longer felt. Scott saying Farrucas (versus Canadian folk) was right "for US", telling the media they were in constant communication, Tessa saying Mahler definitely "came naturally" - all lies concealing their estrangement, right when the Olympics loomed. Oh the humanity. And it must have been really tense not speaking when they played golf.

What a relief to come clean in their book and what guts it took dropping the public charade of being supportive and super close.

Nothing demonstrates the mainstream media's disinclination to do independent verification than the reporting of that one.

And right there on youtube is the Skate America interview they conducted together midway through her recovery, belying their story of being completely cut off from each other from the time of her surgery to the day she returned to Canton.
8.  This.
9.      Bryce is injured and immediately it's broadcast that "Scott Moir" will choreograph Jessica’s singles short program. Once again, WAY to go. Use Bryce's injury to promote the hoax and make D&D fans feel like those two callous attention whores are dancing on the grave of his career.

I wish I had a #10 to round off a 10 "best of" but there are too many examples competing for the spot from the 2011 4CCs to JESSICA IN THE STANDS WITH THE FAMILY!! OMG! for three Canadian free skates (but overseas? Meh. Outside Canada, no guarantee Jessica in the stands will be on camera. Overseas is for field trips that we post on the web!) to the massive unscreened fan sweeps into facebooks which "Scott" did just about every day while giving fans nothing because they were only in there as dupes to see Jessica's stuff and he didn't have the time or care to pretend otherwise, the great facebook re-set this past spring (I like how "Jessica" was unable to hit 5,000 on schedule so they opened "Jess Dube" anyway and restricted "Jessica" for no given reason), Tessa acting like she wasn't attending Danny's wedding just because it's May,  the indiscriminate spamming of Xmas and NYE photos complete with copious red-eye and Jessica/Scott's apparent ability to spend Xmas 2010! simultaneously in Ilderton and Drummond, Tessa claiming she feels guilty over not being together to Tessa working in "storyline through movement" and 'character' like a robot every opportunity she gets.

Rote repetition and staying "on message" does NOT = effective brainwash. It sounds like rote repetition and comes off tense and controlling. Besides, you're exploring rhythm, music, elements, steps and style, and the successful synthesis of figure skating/athleticism/dance - always pushing yourselves and raising the bar. What you're not doing is exploring characters and storylines, as that's always "Man/Woman are Hot for Each Other and WORK It!" "Man/Woman in Love!" and "Man/Woman Flirting en ROUTE to Falling in LOVE!" and that, you've got down.

Maybe the problem here isn't thinking fans are stupid, per se, but believing fans must be a step or so stupider than THEY are. And that would, obviously, set the bar to scraping the ground.
*Scott could have cut to the chase with a simple status update: "I'm getting laid."

Scott looked so sexually insecure that to let it be known he was getting some he was willing to be a douchebag towards Bryce and pose for embarrassing photos with a girlfriend he hates.

Was this what was going on or the message they intended? No. But a moron could have seen that would be the takeaway.


  1. At this point the bar is so low it should just be placed on the ground so they can then come along and trip over it.

  2. Joannie Rochette is signed with IMG. So are Sale/Pelletier and Jeff Buttle. One wonders if Skate Canada encourages its skaters not to sign with a professional agency like IMG until after they've stopped skating competitively? Of course, if that's the case it doesn't make much sense, since Meryl Davis and Charlie White, Mirai Nagusu, Adam Rippon, Miki Ando, Mao Asada, and other skaters who currently compete as amateurs are signed by IMG.

    I find all of this terribly disconcerting because Tessa and Scott are the best thing to happen to ice dance in decades, and will probably go down as one of the greatest teams ever. And even if they don't want their faces splashed all over Canada in dozens upon dozens of marketing campaigns, there's no reason why Skate Canada shouldn't take advantage of what they've got in their hands and actually use them to grow fans for the sport, targeting kids and their parents. Instead, they manage to botch things up at every opportunity and have turned Tessa and Scott's PR into a huge joke. It's sad.

  3. Last anon; clearly Skate Canada is incompetent to do so.

  4. PJ Kwong told what I thought was a sad story about Virtue Moir at an event with Audi execs, and Scott kind of hinting how cool it would be to drive an Audi to the rink. FF and Joannie Rochette has the Audi because of IMG. PJ Kwong acted like the story was sweet but I thought it was typical. Scott and Tessa have a lot of body butter and some Roots gear they're already casting off to the Dube family and other figure skaters. Not that they're hurting for money, but Audi chooses the (potentially) retired bronze medalist over the still-competing Olympic gold medalists.

  5. So many "best ofs", how to choose from all of them?

    Another favorite, which you've already mentioned elsewhere in this blog, but this one is so egregious it deserves another mention: In post-Olympic interviews, Scott acting all self-righteous and demure about having a girlfriend, and oh, he would never be so disrespectful as to mention her name or talk about her. Meanwhile, Jessica openly mentioning him at every opportunity, both of them doing facebook fan sweeps, the Dominican photos already up for the enjoyment of all, not mention many other photos and "lover" wallposts.
    Yeah, Scott being respectful of his fans and his skating partner.

    Oh, and least we forget. The "private" relationship openly paraded, but his professional partnership, the business friend, the "sister," hidden completely from view. You'd think she didn't exist.

  6. I hadn't seen the Paris pics before. Wow, Scott, at least try and look happy with your girlfriend.

    The supposed "estrangement" never made sense to me either. It's pretty clear from watching everything during that time period, that Scott and Tessa were just as close and perhaps even closer than they were before. Scott stroking her back, hugging her and telling her how proud he is of her...

  7. As far as this situation goes, it reminds me of the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz. All smoke and mirrors.

    "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

  8. I really wish Tessa & Scott would sign with IMG. Sigh.