Still Crazy After all These Years

Until the new Cassandra sham elements surface, the blog will mostly stick to DW versus VM til after worlds, but I did want to pause for this post:

I went through the fsu posts from those purporting to see the blog for the first time - and it seemed obvious some were seeing it for the first time and OMG.

The blog is fucking crazy! There's a run on brain bleach, there's people confronted with the limits around which their minds can stretch (not around the topic, but that there exists a person (me, the blogger) so deranged they could make all this up) there's faulty reading comprehension and there's logical fallacies but apart from that it's near unanimous that the blog is, among blogs, a freak. There is, of course, one or two 'there ought to be a law' sorts, but mostly it's get the butterfly net.

And what makes it a freak?

The premise. That Scott and Tessa have been together long since prior to the onset of his sham relationship with Jessica. That they got married in 2009 before the Olympics and yet afterwards, with Tessa pregnant, appeared in different markets touting how very platonic they are. That in every interview they were faking it.

That Scott paraded himself with Jessica and now with Cassandra, that they spoke explicitly to countless media and entertainment outlets that they weren't together and were completely platonic. That Skate Canada was a big participant, that the sainted Ilderton Ontario extols its love and gratitude for Canadian fans out of one side of their mouth while mocking them and ripping them off with the other, and that their practice is to say the exact opposite of whatever is true, and they've got a lot of familiar figure skating faces, family and friends, helping them, while marketing how home grown and unassuming everything is.

And a whole bunch of other stuff that still continues today, and we'll see plenty more of it as it comes to the fore again very soon.

That shit is fucking crazy.

So, in case the blog hasn't said so before - I agree. This shit is fucking batshit crazy. It's certifiable.

Yes it is. Fuck yeah "OMG". "OMFG" in fact.

And it's also true.

That doesn't make it any less crazy but here I am, carrying the label of a nutjob in some quarters all because Scott and Tessa lost their minds with this beyond any mind losing of any celebrity or demi celebrity in the history of celebrity. An epic clusterfuck of imbecility and arrogance.

They're the crazy ones, but they get to front as sane, as victims of a nutty blogger!

Is that fair?

I always thought I had a pretty good grasp of basic law concepts. For example, when starting this blog, I looked over the google blogger TOS very thoroughly, and also checked out a whole bunch of blogs outside the 'pantywaist'* figure skating universe and found plenty of blogs that make this one look circumspect.  I understood, as some people around the web do not, that there's no "figure skating" blog category in which figure skaters and their fans must be treated with kid gloves due to tradition and their conservative sensibilities.

But still, some of the legal talk has made me curious. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I can file a lawsuit under the blogger name (a la a 'John Doe' action) complaining that the name of oycanada has been defamed because the subjects of oc's blog are lying their asses off, being licentious nutjobs, hoax perpetrators and scam artists, and thus making oc appear to be the crazy one.

There ought to be a law. Isn't there one? Can't I obtain a restraining order stopping Tessa and Scott from shamming because it's damaging the blog's reputation and the blogger's name  - that if they must continue, they have to admit they are doing it, reimburse everyone who wants a refund from the book, and acknowledge that the blog's premise isn't crazy, but fact?

After all they reached out to US (to me, as it were. A fan).  In the 'who started it' category they lose. 

I think it's downright patriotic in both the US and Canada to resist being made a fool of by a bunch of lunatics, to push back against a large scale attempt to set people up, lead them on so as to play them for fools, use them as stooges and manipulate them for personal advantage. The blog began because this was what Scott and Tessa were doing.

It was practically a David and Goliath scenario!

The poor blog's everything from fundamental sanity to eyesight (no way Tessa could have been pregnant!) has been challenged based on only one thing - that anyone who writes what the blog writes and believes it to be true, must need to be committed.

But it is true. 

I feel like there must be some sort of motion, order or procedural process that can be legally pursued to compel the subjects of this blog to publicly set down the relevant facts about Scott and Tessa, so the judgment of crazy can at least be made on valid grounds.  As it is, the blog is being defamed simply because Scott and Tessa get to maintain their lies.

Maybe I'll pm some of the legal experts that are rife among the figure skating message boards.

_________________
*Downton Abbey era term for pearl-clutching, easily offended wimpiness.

What would happen if there were a smoking gun?

A lot of people - whom I think don't realize how much stuff is kept under wraps about a lot of public figures - ask why someone doesn't blow the whistle on Scott and Tessa. Publicly. There, unrefutable in digital font on the web. The official record.

 

How would that play out? Someone reputable in the "figure skating community" gives the lowdown to someone in the media on the condition of anonymity and then what. What would the media get out of it but restricted access and bad will? What would the person get out of it since they'd be anon? (If their name was attached to the tip-off they'd be in for a world of payback and distrust.) 

A lot of the media which might receive the "tip" already know the deal but as long as Scott and Tessa officially deny it, the media is covered. All the media needs to do is frame. Everything written sources what Scott and Tessa say about themselves, and omits that the media may know differently. We've all seen it: "The two of them have always maintained..." and: "Not so, say the skaters. Close friends, they aver that the romantic connection has always been strictly ice-bound and ends when they put on skate guards."

If the article's frame is to report what the skaters say, it doesn't matter if the person writing the feature knows otherwise. Most personality coverage follows these conventions - makes things not so sticky.

But suppose there were a "dead-to-rights" expose. Of some type. A photo. On the LIPS! (Apparently that is the skating world smoking gun.) OMG - the scandal!

Except, not really - just another couple who said they were just friends when they were actually more than that. A whole lot more. Is there anything shady there? No - just a legitimate relationship - no soap opera except the one they made up. The reality is kind of cut and dried. Sweet, romantic, endearing - but not voidy. 

But they lied!

Yeah, the media is not going to flagellate them over that. It'll be our fault;  they'll explain this to us with their own spin on Tessa's "nature of the sport" pass if that angle gets covered at all. A well-intended, darling but unwittingly burdensome and intrusive fan or two (not too attractive, and definitely female) will be dragged out to serve as typical examples of the sort of intrusion Tessa and Scott had to shield themselves against.

The media didn't touch Sale & Pelletier's divorce - you think any of the skating media -  many email buddies and social friends of Skate Canada officials - are gonna make it ugly for Scott and Tessa?

So it must be that the core concern here is that once exposed - or if they were somehow forced to come clean - what an horrific ordeal for Scott and Tessa fanwise. We all know VM have no control over the questions they may be asked in entertainment media format, nor control over what they choose to disclose. If fans officially knew - imagine what Tessa and Scott would have to reveal. Everything.

 

Isn't that what other public sports couples suffer when their status is publicized? Fans immediately know their home addresses, their in-law problems if any, the size of their bank account, whether it was smart to have a kid so young, whether it was smart to have a kid and still compete, the names of their doctors, their medical records, how often the couple has sex, who loves who more, how do they juggle it all, and then fans wade in with criticism and commentary. Just ask Marie-France and Patch. And Jamie and David. And Jessica and Bryce. I'm not talking about when Jessica and Bryce voluntarily tabloided themselves with Menage a blah blah sur la Glace - but their sweet ingenue romance in the run-up to and including Torino 2006. Remember? They were picked apart. Their private lives were a freaking fishbowl.

If only there were help available - some sort of professional resource experienced in managing challenges like these for figure skaters so that figure skaters could maintain a comfortable zone of privacy and the strategic impression of accessibility (remember, accessibility is spending time; it's not disclosure. It's sharing a real or manufactured fan-friendly experience -  not - here, have a look at the transcript of our last argument and while we're at it, here's some notes from my gyno.) If only such a professional entity existed, the skaters could engage with fans, have a comfortable and sustainable private life that they were rarely called upon to discuss directly, and they could pursue their business interests without a lot of lying.

Since nothing like that has been invented, clearly the only choice is either to reveal everything you're doing, have done, and plan to do in your private life together while the fans swarm over every detail - OR - create the strategic impression of fan accessibility by manufacturing a fake relationship with someone you don't like or trust and at regular intervals pretend to make out with her on facebook for the entertainment of thousands of strangers. I mean, it's obvious.

Whoever framed the choice like that possessed impeccable marketing credentials. I wonder if they were a double threat - maybe they also teach psychology at Windsor. You've got to believe that school is just churning out geniuses of critical analysis.

Must admit, sometimes I really do want to know who teaches Tessa's psychology classes, if she does study that as she claims. If she compartmentalizes or if the subject is abstract with no real world application. Probably it's like all figure skater education in Canada - sucky. At least that's what Skate Canada seems to imply. Did you know their 21-year-old, trilingual college aspirant, ethnic Chinese World Figure Skating Champion spoke out about Chinese culture without, apparently, actually knowing anything about Chinese culture, but since he's not a "political scientist" - don't judge? I'm guessing the psychology courses at Windsor must be brain busters.

And let's be real - surely the proven strategy of accessibility as = spending time or sharing fan friendly experiences is full of holes. What fans really want is the intimate WORDS. The STORIES. Did I say intimate? Yeah I did. Intimate like - 

We were once lovers.  

We went to counseling.

We're not fucking.

Skate Canada loves counseling almost as much as it loves skating partners not fucking. Sports counseling, marriage. Do-it-yourself group counseling of the "how did that make you feel" variety practiced on young figure skaters by Suzanne Killing and Paul MacIntosh, MSW, per the VM book. Personality quizzes administered to D&D with results reported in the media. This is serious, high level coaching stuff. 

I remember back when Joe Torre sat Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez down in a couple of chairs in the Yankee locker room before batting practice. It got a little emotional at times, but after talking it out, taking the quizzes, talking about the results and how it made them feel they really learned a lot about themselves - and each other. And it made their batting better, because Jeter no longer worried that if he didn't get a hit, he'd no longer have Alex's respect and Alex no longer worried that if he didn't get a hit, he'd never get Derek's respect. It brought them together as teammates, and that's really important when you're trying to prepare for a World Series run.

I am dying to know what sort of group therapy Zoueva, Shpilband, Frank Carroll, Kristy Krall, Mr. Nicks and, in days of yore, Carlo Fassi, conducted with their skaters. Chairs in a circle? "Look at Peggy when you say it - say it to her, not me." *

Boiled down, it looks to me that Scott and Tessa were told that "marketing" = TMI. And Tessa wasn't excited about it. No one was. But who can argue with the marketing wizards of Skate Canada - your Mike Slipchuks, your William Thompsons and their genius hires, everyone with their extensive background operating star-making machinery. Who could argue against their assertion that the key to exciting the public and creating skating stars is intimate information, personal disclosure - not access, not time spent with the skaters themselves? Who could argue with such a well-researched policy built upon the solid conclusion that a successful marketing initiative keys off personal disclosure of intimate life information?

Make no mistake - it's certainly not them - Bill, Debbi, Mike - with the icky, gross, unusual interest in the personal details of skaters' intimate sexual and emotional relationships with each other.

It's fans. Fans are the perverts. So Mike, Bill & Co. say - you have to do it - you want Skate Canada to make money, don't you? Skate Canada is practically more Canadian than the actual Canada. I know you're patriotic. Let's cut to the chase - it's women who watch this stuff. Mike and me - we know these types. It's the same demo that watches soaps. We can turn the whole ship around with this. Tessa, stop freaking out - you don't think we're gonna make you tell actual stuff do you? You tell us that stuff - don't leave out the details - we need to know so we know what to lie about. The rest of you, as soon as any of you start fucking each other, let us know immediately so we can get some photos taken for facebook leading fans in the other direction.

So, were the skaters told that's what sells? Skating? Nah. Personalities? Nah. Personal stories. Detailed personal stories. Intimate.

Estrangements. Sobbing drives to the airport for the first competition of the Olympic season. Broken trust and trust rebuilt. Triangles. Destroyed friendships. A one-man Pied Piper of dating cutting a swathe through the ice dancers of Canton and leaving behind  satisfied smiles and enhanced female bonding. A female ice dancer who can skate a competitive short dance all summer, twirl off her partner's thigh and land on one foot in exhibitions and stand in line at Club Bud in heels but her legs are too painful to get her to the fridge. Ex-fuck buddies with a bitter break-up who decide they need to skate it out in their Olympic LP. A woman who broke up a famous pairs skating duo's marriage and a man who busted up his best friend's relationship with his skating partner telling us they felt a mild breeze from each other's lips at practice one day and totally freaked because it had never even hit them that the other had male or female parts. They were dying to return to their innocent pre-expulsion-from-Eden state as soon as possible - just as soon as they finished their latest exhibition featuring their customary feeling each other up, clawing at each other's hair, kissing thighs and staring down each other's tonsils.

Yep, this is the stuff they've been cranking out instead of revealing the sensitive truth. And it's been a big hit, worked just like Slipchuk said it would. And best of all, as long as they pump this stuff out, Scott and Tessa don't have to whore out their actual intimate details.

Because we all know in marketing - that's required.

________________________________
*I'm pro-counseling, just anti-quack. Also, not sure why this is part of the "getting to know you" promotional material for Canada's figure skaters.

Meryl and Charlie SD press conference, Taipei, Taiwan

Something makes Meryl and Charlie look sad, weary, turned off, and pissed off, and it ain't coming in second.

Me sad too, Meryl and Charlie. Me sad too.

And Meryl? Love you for this. It's February. A chill is appropriate:

They have gone through a lot this season," Davis said of the Canadians. "I'm not exactly sure what happened, but we don't really think about it too much. When we come into competitions, we worry about skating our best. When we leave a competition, we're thinking about how we can improve. I'm sure they are disappointed but we are excited and happy with how we skated.

A lot of people are alarmed by V/M these days, wondering why somebody reality-based doesn't step in and stop it.

When a figure skater experiences a "thigh spasm" in the middle of a lift, it inhibits their range of motion when they withdraw and skate to the boards. It hurts like a mofo. They don't look like this when they have a program stopping muscle spasm:

Conveniently, what stopped the program was a spasm so far up her leg there is no question it wasn't shins.

Noted though, that a lift strains the core (a core that needs to be not only strong, but ELASTIC for dance lifts) not a thigh.

P.S Nice costume Tessa. Suits the fd masterpiece nobody ever sees.

This guy's left quad actually hurts