What would happen if there were a smoking gun?

A lot of people - whom I think don't realize how much stuff is kept under wraps about a lot of public figures - ask why someone doesn't blow the whistle on Scott and Tessa. Publicly. There, unrefutable in digital font on the web. The official record.

 

How would that play out? Someone reputable in the "figure skating community" gives the lowdown to someone in the media on the condition of anonymity and then what. What would the media get out of it but restricted access and bad will? What would the person get out of it since they'd be anon? (If their name was attached to the tip-off they'd be in for a world of payback and distrust.) 

A lot of the media which might receive the "tip" already know the deal but as long as Scott and Tessa officially deny it, the media is covered. All the media needs to do is frame. Everything written sources what Scott and Tessa say about themselves, and omits that the media may know differently. We've all seen it: "The two of them have always maintained..." and: "Not so, say the skaters. Close friends, they aver that the romantic connection has always been strictly ice-bound and ends when they put on skate guards."

If the article's frame is to report what the skaters say, it doesn't matter if the person writing the feature knows otherwise. Most personality coverage follows these conventions - makes things not so sticky.

But suppose there were a "dead-to-rights" expose. Of some type. A photo. On the LIPS! (Apparently that is the skating world smoking gun.) OMG - the scandal!

Except, not really - just another couple who said they were just friends when they were actually more than that. A whole lot more. Is there anything shady there? No - just a legitimate relationship - no soap opera except the one they made up. The reality is kind of cut and dried. Sweet, romantic, endearing - but not voidy. 

But they lied!

Yeah, the media is not going to flagellate them over that. It'll be our fault;  they'll explain this to us with their own spin on Tessa's "nature of the sport" pass if that angle gets covered at all. A well-intended, darling but unwittingly burdensome and intrusive fan or two (not too attractive, and definitely female) will be dragged out to serve as typical examples of the sort of intrusion Tessa and Scott had to shield themselves against.

The media didn't touch Sale & Pelletier's divorce - you think any of the skating media -  many email buddies and social friends of Skate Canada officials - are gonna make it ugly for Scott and Tessa?

So it must be that the core concern here is that once exposed - or if they were somehow forced to come clean - what an horrific ordeal for Scott and Tessa fanwise. We all know VM have no control over the questions they may be asked in entertainment media format, nor control over what they choose to disclose. If fans officially knew - imagine what Tessa and Scott would have to reveal. Everything.

 

Isn't that what other public sports couples suffer when their status is publicized? Fans immediately know their home addresses, their in-law problems if any, the size of their bank account, whether it was smart to have a kid so young, whether it was smart to have a kid and still compete, the names of their doctors, their medical records, how often the couple has sex, who loves who more, how do they juggle it all, and then fans wade in with criticism and commentary. Just ask Marie-France and Patch. And Jamie and David. And Jessica and Bryce. I'm not talking about when Jessica and Bryce voluntarily tabloided themselves with Menage a blah blah sur la Glace - but their sweet ingenue romance in the run-up to and including Torino 2006. Remember? They were picked apart. Their private lives were a freaking fishbowl.

If only there were help available - some sort of professional resource experienced in managing challenges like these for figure skaters so that figure skaters could maintain a comfortable zone of privacy and the strategic impression of accessibility (remember, accessibility is spending time; it's not disclosure. It's sharing a real or manufactured fan-friendly experience -  not - here, have a look at the transcript of our last argument and while we're at it, here's some notes from my gyno.) If only such a professional entity existed, the skaters could engage with fans, have a comfortable and sustainable private life that they were rarely called upon to discuss directly, and they could pursue their business interests without a lot of lying.

Since nothing like that has been invented, clearly the only choice is either to reveal everything you're doing, have done, and plan to do in your private life together while the fans swarm over every detail - OR - create the strategic impression of fan accessibility by manufacturing a fake relationship with someone you don't like or trust and at regular intervals pretend to make out with her on facebook for the entertainment of thousands of strangers. I mean, it's obvious.

Whoever framed the choice like that possessed impeccable marketing credentials. I wonder if they were a double threat - maybe they also teach psychology at Windsor. You've got to believe that school is just churning out geniuses of critical analysis.

Must admit, sometimes I really do want to know who teaches Tessa's psychology classes, if she does study that as she claims. If she compartmentalizes or if the subject is abstract with no real world application. Probably it's like all figure skater education in Canada - sucky. At least that's what Skate Canada seems to imply. Did you know their 21-year-old, trilingual college aspirant, ethnic Chinese World Figure Skating Champion spoke out about Chinese culture without, apparently, actually knowing anything about Chinese culture, but since he's not a "political scientist" - don't judge? I'm guessing the psychology courses at Windsor must be brain busters.

And let's be real - surely the proven strategy of accessibility as = spending time or sharing fan friendly experiences is full of holes. What fans really want is the intimate WORDS. The STORIES. Did I say intimate? Yeah I did. Intimate like - 

We were once lovers.  

We went to counseling.

We're not fucking.

Skate Canada loves counseling almost as much as it loves skating partners not fucking. Sports counseling, marriage. Do-it-yourself group counseling of the "how did that make you feel" variety practiced on young figure skaters by Suzanne Killing and Paul MacIntosh, MSW, per the VM book. Personality quizzes administered to D&D with results reported in the media. This is serious, high level coaching stuff. 

I remember back when Joe Torre sat Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez down in a couple of chairs in the Yankee locker room before batting practice. It got a little emotional at times, but after talking it out, taking the quizzes, talking about the results and how it made them feel they really learned a lot about themselves - and each other. And it made their batting better, because Jeter no longer worried that if he didn't get a hit, he'd no longer have Alex's respect and Alex no longer worried that if he didn't get a hit, he'd never get Derek's respect. It brought them together as teammates, and that's really important when you're trying to prepare for a World Series run.

I am dying to know what sort of group therapy Zoueva, Shpilband, Frank Carroll, Kristy Krall, Mr. Nicks and, in days of yore, Carlo Fassi, conducted with their skaters. Chairs in a circle? "Look at Peggy when you say it - say it to her, not me." *

Boiled down, it looks to me that Scott and Tessa were told that "marketing" = TMI. And Tessa wasn't excited about it. No one was. But who can argue with the marketing wizards of Skate Canada - your Mike Slipchuks, your William Thompsons and their genius hires, everyone with their extensive background operating star-making machinery. Who could argue against their assertion that the key to exciting the public and creating skating stars is intimate information, personal disclosure - not access, not time spent with the skaters themselves? Who could argue with such a well-researched policy built upon the solid conclusion that a successful marketing initiative keys off personal disclosure of intimate life information?

Make no mistake - it's certainly not them - Bill, Debbi, Mike - with the icky, gross, unusual interest in the personal details of skaters' intimate sexual and emotional relationships with each other.

It's fans. Fans are the perverts. So Mike, Bill & Co. say - you have to do it - you want Skate Canada to make money, don't you? Skate Canada is practically more Canadian than the actual Canada. I know you're patriotic. Let's cut to the chase - it's women who watch this stuff. Mike and me - we know these types. It's the same demo that watches soaps. We can turn the whole ship around with this. Tessa, stop freaking out - you don't think we're gonna make you tell actual stuff do you? You tell us that stuff - don't leave out the details - we need to know so we know what to lie about. The rest of you, as soon as any of you start fucking each other, let us know immediately so we can get some photos taken for facebook leading fans in the other direction.

So, were the skaters told that's what sells? Skating? Nah. Personalities? Nah. Personal stories. Detailed personal stories. Intimate.

Estrangements. Sobbing drives to the airport for the first competition of the Olympic season. Broken trust and trust rebuilt. Triangles. Destroyed friendships. A one-man Pied Piper of dating cutting a swathe through the ice dancers of Canton and leaving behind  satisfied smiles and enhanced female bonding. A female ice dancer who can skate a competitive short dance all summer, twirl off her partner's thigh and land on one foot in exhibitions and stand in line at Club Bud in heels but her legs are too painful to get her to the fridge. Ex-fuck buddies with a bitter break-up who decide they need to skate it out in their Olympic LP. A woman who broke up a famous pairs skating duo's marriage and a man who busted up his best friend's relationship with his skating partner telling us they felt a mild breeze from each other's lips at practice one day and totally freaked because it had never even hit them that the other had male or female parts. They were dying to return to their innocent pre-expulsion-from-Eden state as soon as possible - just as soon as they finished their latest exhibition featuring their customary feeling each other up, clawing at each other's hair, kissing thighs and staring down each other's tonsils.

Yep, this is the stuff they've been cranking out instead of revealing the sensitive truth. And it's been a big hit, worked just like Slipchuk said it would. And best of all, as long as they pump this stuff out, Scott and Tessa don't have to whore out their actual intimate details.

Because we all know in marketing - that's required.

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*I'm pro-counseling, just anti-quack. Also, not sure why this is part of the "getting to know you" promotional material for Canada's figure skaters.

What Debbi Wilkes was supposed to be doing

http://www.imgworld.com/services/categories/olympics.aspx

This is a description of what are basically services IMG is able to provide in the sponsorship and corporate partnership area during an Olympics.

Make the services Skate Canada specific and there's a snapshot of the responsibilities built into the job of "Director of Business Development."

Bill Thompson specifically cited Debbi's "relationships" as a value add Skate Canada would benefit from in hiring her for the Director's job.

Now figure out how Debbi can do this job for Skate Canada/Canada - especially as SC hasn't the infrastructure IMG enjoys - and be the Canadian figure skating team's Team Leader during the Olympics, not to mention:



Skatebuzz, Skate Canada 2011




ACGM "Gala" rehearsal

 The above photo is so gross. Debbi always manages to be right in there. Her face is in the shot, and her face is as close as she can get it to the figure skater. Add in that it gives the appearance a freaking grown up person can't say words without her CLOSE supervision, very CLOSE supervision, approval and comment.

Hidden from view is the giant spoon Debbi holds to place words in a skater's mouth syllable by syllable.

Now the ratio of Skate Canada's ambition and self-regard vis a vis its competence doesn't flatter any of its Directors. Still, I sincerely doubt Bill Thompson hired Debbi expecting her to actually do the job the implied in her title. He just gave her a title - a title that's been somewhat fluid over the years - and set her loose on her real job, which is apparently living up the asses of Skate Canada's star figure skaters when they're on camera. I think the actual business development part was going to take care of itself. Now that it's a bit of a mess, it's Bill's baby. Debbi ain't doing it. But we'll see her front and center on Skatebuzz come nationals, along with more video showing silent, inane clips of figure skaters' faces and riveting footage of parking lots.

Built into Debbi's real job is the premise that figure skaters are figure skaters - they can't string a sentence together - they're figure skaters! They know nothin 'bout politics - they're figure skaters! They don't know how to describe their program or their competition performance - they're figure skaters!*  Figure skaters are encouraged to be robots, inarticulate, ignorant and camera-shy, because that opens up a role for Debbi who is their conductor, maestro, etc. vis a vis the camera.

Not to mention look how Skate Canada fell over Patrick Chan after that interview he gave - it's like a posse of babysitters rushed into the play group to bail him out, elbowing each other for the spotlight. It was ridiculous. Chan is an adult (but - but - he's a figure skater!). But Skate Canada is a little quick on the draw to insert itself into any media opportunity and divert attention to its personnel instead of its skaters.

Of course, Debbi, too, is a figure skater and what she's good at is truly obnoxious interviews such as her interview with Carolina Kostner, attempting to turn figure skaters into little Debbi parrots, and of course, promoting Debbi.
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*Debbi just wasn't painfully obnoxious and patronizing while interviewing Kostner, she also said to Scott Moir "Tell us about the short program. " and then she prompted: "The fall." Because otherwise Scott is not going to know to address it. I also wish the skaters and whoever is interviewing (and it would be nice if it wasn't Debbi so we could delude ourselves SC takes care of actual business) would be miked instead of wielding a mike to and fro as if it's a completely different era.

But this is fine

For God knows what convoluted and clown-ass reasons, Skate Canada has determined that the public must not ever ever EVER believe not EVER that any of its figure skating partnerships are romantic. Lately they've resorted to tactics that are the marketing equivalent of a parent hiding nutrients in a vegetable-averse kid's omelet or lasagne. 

SC goes to quite a bit of facebook trouble also, to emphasize that within partnerships, sex ain't happening.

But this is fine for one of their figure skater's facebooks. (I read this last summer, so it  had remained visible on Jessica Dube's fb for over 3 years.)

No un-vetted photo of Tessa/Scott or Jessica/Bryce ever makes it onto anyone's fb, but this thing sits right there.

It was in the "boxes" section of her fb. This screen capture doesn't have her name, but it was sitting in her fb with her name all over it and comments from her friends below it.

Yes, she's French Canadian but she did the quiz in English and slapped in asterisks and said "as a joke!" so she was fairly well having it both ways here. She knows.

I think back then Jessica was in what she terms a "gangsta-girly" fashion phase with the head wrap bandana and she also sported puffy gold earrings at times, and so the favorite word to say may have been part of the package.

Yet she found it prudent to asterisk some key letters.* The rest of her possible favorite words are spelled out.

I took the quiz so I could see the answers. I scored about where her friends scored - except for Bryce, who crushed the field and commented that he thinks Jessica may have lied on her quiz.

During the Patrick Chan pseudo-brouhaha about China, where it later emerged it's entirely the fault of selfish, unpatriotic corporate Canada that Skate Canada has shit for sponsors, it turned out Patrick Chan didn't realize there were human rights violations in China. Then people jumped in to say you barely have a history requirement in Canadian high schools so it's not his fault. And then it's mentioned the USA is almost as bad.

Well shit, then how did I find out about it? Oh that's right - when I was in school they taught me to read.

And come to find out - since I was aware that China had been accused of human rights violations - this makes me a political scientist. According to an attorney/backer who spoke up for Chan.**

Maybe it's making more sense why Debbi Wilkes speaks to the public as if they learned the alphabet song only yesterday.

But it's okay! Who cares if our figure skaters haven't got no education (even those who've applied to the University of Colorado).  We not only don't care if everybody knows our skaters are ignorant - we'll defend it. He's a figure skater. Give him a break - Patrick didn't even know China was its own country til last week.***

Say this stuff loud and proud and Skate Canada has no problem. In fact, what could have been an - eh, there-goes-Patrick-again situation turned into crisis management (at last - Barb MacDonald had a crisis! You know that got added to her bullet-pointed credentials even before she sent her customary a.m. email to ice-network.com.) with Thompson talking and Barb talking and reporters who live in the SC tank prompted to get the SC spin out there. 

A 24-hour news cycle event turned into a week (it's figure skating, so 24-hour is a little generous - how about 25 minutes). They took a skater's whine and blew it up to a posturing, grand-standing clusterfuck with at least two SC officials getting their names in print. What SC does best. Your government funding at work.

In the category of other things SC and the "skating community" thinks is just fine to put out there, I recently went looking for a Dube Davison article I remembered reading, where somebody working with them felt it important to tell us explicitly that they used to be "lovers".  Not a "couple". "Lovers."  Try as I might, I couldn't un-read it.

So I took some pepto-bismol and googled the article:

Ew

I don't understand - if "everyone knows it" then why does this person also add that "you have to say it." If we already know it, no, you don't. But basically what the fuck kind of article is this?

Skate Canada gets an almost pornographic enjoyment out of detailing the extreme closeness of "platonic" (or former lovers) figure skaters in their partnerships.  First of all - since when is the sexual status of its figure skaters any business of a skating Fed let alone a component of its marketing? But Skate Canada wades right in with truly creepy enthusiasm, relishing every detail. We're told what's in the shared Weaver & Poje family breakfast tacos. We're informed about intimate marriage/sports counseling for platonic partners. Every five seconds Skate Canada sticks a thermometer up the rectum of some skating partnership and reports back with the blow-by-blow (not literally blow-by-blow, cause they're platonic, but you get what I'm going for here). And then they drop the chaser - they're PLATONIC.****
It keeps re-impressing me as a little off.
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*I know there's no excuse for that word and I also know why there's no excuse. That makes me a social anthropologist.

**Why do skaters get to pull the skater-ignorant card. What about the rest of us? "He's a figure skater - not a political scientist."  Do vets, students, cops, office managers, personal trainers, nurses, etc. get to go there? "I don't know what that wet shit falling from the sky is called - I'm a UPS driver, not a meteorologist!"

***He'd assumed it was a region of the country of Asia.

****I think all of Skate Canada's skaters in skating partnerships were required to be microchipped if they were on the Vancouver Olympic track. This microchip is programmed to de-platonic them the second one or the other declares the intention to retire after an upcoming competition.